"Niiiiic...."
He always knows this is a bad start, because it means I want something from him that he probably won't want to do.
"Yes, hun...?"
"Can you like... write me a question to Dr. Mallei and then I, I mean he, can write an answer to it and I'll copy and paste it and put it on my blog?"
He sighs.
"What should I write about?"
I try and think about what things Mallei knows about, or what he could possibly be so qualified for that he could be considered a doctor. One of these I think has just come from his experience as a person observer, as he diligently studies the shifting dynamics of human relations, and how this can affect, either positively or negatively, the overall well-being of the person... and the other is food.
Because he just fricken loves to eat.
So here is the first, anonymous letter received for the ever enlightening Dr. Mallei's Advice Column, pertaining to Food and Relationships*. But mostly food.
Dear Doctor Mallei,
I recently have a dilemma. It would be nice to be a vegetarian, but using chicken and bacon in meals is so easy. Its also tasty. But Is this caving in to the ease of 'modern life', or being dishonest to some vaguely growing morals and ethics?
You are wise on these matters. Please advise.
Sincerely yours,
---
Dear Anon,
I'm struggling to grasp the point you're making- chicken and bacon are tasty. As a dog, I find vegetarianism a strange concept, but I'll give it a whirl. Firstly, however, I'd like to pose a question to you. Nay, a challenge, if you will. Can you think of any foods that don't go with either chocolate, or bacon?
I think you'll find that there isn't a single food with which you can't pair either bacon or chocolate. Which leads me to believe that it is close to impossible to eliminate bacon, at least, from one's diet. Another critical point in the argument here, is the fact that humans are commonly argued to be omnivores. Now, I see no sense in this, since meat serves the job just as well, but each species to his own, I suppose.
In regard to the issue surrounding ethics, this is a tricky one. I would like to say it depends on how you source your meat, but I suppose in one way, whether you buy the chicken or not, somebody will still breed them, kill them and eat them. The question really is whether your 400g of chicken breast a week is making a difference, in the grand scheme of things. I suppose you could argue that if you don't buy the chicken, the chicken won't be killed, or you won't be adding to the killing of the chicken, but then the chicken is still going to be killed, you just don't get to enjoy its tasty meat.
I think you need to listen to yourself, inside your heart. If your heart is having palpitations because you eat a kilogram of bacon for breakfast every morning, have a KFC original bucket for lunch, and finish off your day with a nice hearty serving of wicked wings, then yes, you are a bad person and should stop eating so much bacon and chicken.
If, however, you gorge your bacon fetish in moderation and enjoy it as an source of protein and deliciousness, then I believe you should be able to continue doing so without letting those pesky ethics get in the way.
That being said, I eat an entire chicken's body every day, so I may not have been the best
Loyally,
Dr. Mallei.
If you don't eat meat, you'll basically be doing this every day. Though, to be honest, I look pretty chuffed. Maybe it's a meat-flavored stick.
*Feel free to send in your own! Just leave a comment.
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