Thursday, February 24, 2011

running away to the mountains.

After looking at some other potential venues last weekend, and having had lunch with my Mum again the other day, I was beginning to solidify the fact that I didn't want to do this traditional wedding thing.
And I don't mean that I didn't want a traditional wedding... Because we all knew it was going to be offbeat, anyway... but that I was beginning to want, less and less, to deal with the hassle of the big hooplah that is the wedding. Of worrying about catering for people having to drive 'too far' from the city (as my mum said, again, when I suggested a place that's about an hour and a half out of Melbourne, and I had to remind her that half of Nic's family (beside the immediate family all being overseas) are at least a 6 hour drive from Melbourne itself.)... of worrying about costs, of etiquette, of my mother being uninvolved... literally and emotionally.

So Nic and I were laying in bed last night, both of us tired and about to fall asleep, which seems to be when we have our best discussions sometimes. I said:
"I think I'm about ready to throw in the towel on this wedding thing. I mean, not the wedding (I meant 'marriage' here), but the wedding."
Nic looked at me from across the pillow, confusion smudged across his tired little face. After all, I'd just said I wanted to throw in the towel on the wedding thing, not the wedding, but the wedding.
Which he kindly repeated to me, to make sure I knew how ridiculous I sounded.
"Not the marriage, but like, the whole ordeal that is the wedding."
You know things aren't good when you're using the word ordeal to describe something that's meant to be fun. Ok, so the planning probably isn't 'meant to be' fun, but the wedding itself should be. Nic looks at me as though I've lost my marbles (this happens often).
"I've said this ages ago! Just the two of us should go somewhere and do it, and then we'll have the party later, some time! You said we couldn't though, cos your family would tear us a new one!"  He's so eloquent, my fiance.
"Well, they probably would," I reply.
"Weddings are so trite and traditional. I don't want people to sit there and go Wtf are Yay flags, and why are they doing that? And being bored or confused. I want to get married and then have a party later!"
We discuss this for a little while- I don't necessarily want it to be just us, but with a select few people, sure! Somewhere awesome, in mountains. Nic feels it should be somewhere (in mountains) that's special to us, not just randomly in the Swiss alps. Nic tells me he's desperate to wear the ring, to do this, that he can't wait. I tease him, in a sing-song, mocking kind of way: "You wanna be my huuuusband".
"Nah," He replies, eyes closing tiredly, "I just want to wear some bling."
I love him.

I love this image. They had their wedding in Big Sur, CA, with both their parents, and a brother. 5 guests. {via}

So anyway. An elopement sort of thing could be on the cards again. I'm looking at our original guest-list now, and there are friends/family there with question marks next to their names because we're not sure whether that is their name, or their spouses' names... I don't know about you, but I'm not the sort of person who feels comfortable inviting people to something out of obligation. Fact is, I'm not close with my brother, nor is Nic, I'm not close to Mum at the moment... we don't really have 'stand out' people who absolutely must be invited. You know, most people, if you told them to pick 5 people, they'd have their childhood friends, or siblings or something... I have some friends who I think I'd feel guilty for not picking, but they never call me/us.. or message us... or organize things. I think the last time we saw a bunch of them was because we organized it. And if you won't make the effort, why should it constantly be my responsibility to do it? I know, some people are disorganized, or whatever...
I have a very potentially hurtful guest-list sitting in front of me right now... it includes half of our parental unit, and excludes the other half. The guest list, Nic and myself included, is 5 people long. Ouch.

It just kind of changes everything, I suppose. It means planning everything completely differently.  I said maybe we should write our 5 priorities for this thing, and try and come up with some sort of event around that. I'm actually just thinking I want a picnic, like we were meant to have for our engagement party that we never ended up planning, but then that sort of makes one of my priorities (dancing) a little more difficult.
But in the spirit of this, here's my priorities, trying to be separate from my idea of 'the wedding I'd like to have', and instead come from a place of 'I haven't done any planning and this is what I really want.'

  1. Meaningful words. I'm a word nerd, I love writing. Words are important. I want words tattooed on my body is how much I love words.
  2. A pretty dress (I'm a girl. I like dresses. But not wedding dresses. I don't like them).
  3. Mountains/beautiful scenery/forest/lake/whatever. 
  4. Love/joy/support.
  5. Food. Though it's a bit of a toss-up betwen "pretty photography" and food. 
Ok so a couple of those aren't 'tangible' things, and as I wrote I realized I wasn't going to have room for dancing... but I can't imagine my wedding being the beautiful thing I want if people are sitting around being sulky or not getting into the spirit. We also feel so connected to the outdoors that where we have the wedding is also awesomely important to me. Music is also very important, but didn't make it up there either. So what's missing is: Music, dancing, and photography. Which are super amazingly important, but... I think looking at that list, it's what I want. It's come from a place of trying to push the image of picnic baskets out of my head and just picture the ceremony, in particular, and what stands out.

So now it's a question of: Do we have a secret elopement with only a few people to witness, then a big party later?
Or, do we have a smaller, more intimate wedding & ceremony with 30-40 people (instead of 80, which isn't even that many in comparison to sonme), with a ceremony and then a reception, say... I dunno, hiring a holiday home at the Grampians, setting up a tent in the backyard of said holiday home/B&B, and if Grandparents can't make it because it's too far or whatever, then so be it? I almost like this idea most.

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