diy till the cows come home

I saw my Mum (and puppy!) yesterday and talked wedding. My Mum tends to flip-flop between being mildy interested, and completely disinterested in everything ranging from my entire life, to just the wedding, so it's always a difficult call as to whether she'll be engaged or not.
Anyway, yesterday, this is what she said:
"I'd really like to be involved in your wedding"
I nearly fell of my chair. She said it in a sincere way, not because I'd been rambling on and on about DIY that, and 'we'll be making this'.
Next thing I know, we get home and book in a dress-looking-date next week. No procrastination, she wants to get right down to business.
Ah, ok, Mum. This is what I wanted, to be fair, but it's really, really tough to trust that she's not just going to drop off the planet and be completely nonchalant about it again come next week.
We'll see.


I made a list yesterday of all the DIY projects we've decided to do. And thinking about them, I think we're doing them for mostly the right reasons (eg. because we want to, because no shop could make what we want... and occasionally because to buy/have made what we want would be too expensive to be justified ($1,000 minimum spend on flowers? I think not)).
Here's how it looks, and how it's going so far:

A list of projects we’ve decided to take on:

Invitations, RSVP cards, Info cards - printed, addressed
-> also, envelope inners, return address stamp, tied with twine, ribbon or belly band???

Status: Created in photoshop, need to be printed somehow/somewhere.
Streamer background
-> dyed streamers
-> white lace
->free standing structure

Status: Started! Waiting on dyes to arrive from the UK, need to get more fabric and begin making the structure. This is a high-priority project.
Yay flags
-> approx 50. Calico w/ iron on transfer? Or painted stencil? 

Status: Not happening, yet.
Animal place holders
-> wooden animals? Dates written on in silver?
-> Mouths carved.
-> Names printed and cut from cardstock. 

Status: Given up on plastic animals for now. Need to go to the market and look at their cheap imported-from-China wooden animals. Wondering if people should just take their animals home as favours. When I told Mum about our favours idea, she said: "What, is it like a lolly bag?" and had no idea that favours existed. Ah, how things have changed.
Favors
-> Paper bags
-> Animal stamp, thankyou stamp, name/date stamp?
-> Tea (in air-sealed/plastic bag?)
->Tied with twine. 

Status: Not started
Guestbook
-> several yellow streamers
-> Black fabric pens (do these exist?)

Status: Not started
Programs
-> How/what? Vistaprint? How are they going to be interesting? 

Status: Don't know enough of the day-of schedule yet to make these, and need a brain-wave of how to make them nice.
Flowers
-> Bouquet x 1
-> Centrepieces x 12ish?
-> Real or fake?
-> Flower boxes

Status: Made enquiries about flower boxes. Nothing else yet.
Centerpieces:
-> words, painted.
-> mason jars
->table animal pictures.

Status: Words acquired. Need to be painted. Have a slowly growing collection of mason jars.
Seating chart? (some kind of zoo map...!!!)

Status: Emailed brother who is a wiz with photoshop to see if this will be easy for him to make.

Photobooth
->Props!

Status: Yeah, not yet.
Menus
-> Painted and stuck books. 

Status: Lower priority, have a small collection of cooking books to use, but need to finalise the menu before doing too much with these.
Ring pillow book:
-> Book with centre cut, ribbon, painted or covered.

Status: This isn't a hugely high priority, so, we'll see. We have plenty of op-shop (thrift shop?) books so we can paint and use one of those.

In the meantime, we've booked appointments to meet with 3 celebrants over the next week or two. I found it a really weird experience to be choosing celebrants. You go to a website, right, look at photos of people, and try and decide who you'd like to look at, if they have a website, etc. It's shopping for people. It weirds me out.

We know who we want as our photographers but they said they don't book more than 8 months out, so I'm holding out from hassling them, hoping they hold true to their word and don't book our date before March (8 months before the wedding).

welcome the new year and all it brings

Hey!
It's 2012.
How did that happen?
This is a big year. The world is meant to end, right? I think subconsciously Nic and I have taken that onboard and are cramming so much stuff in, just to make it worthwhile.
The other day I designed our wedding invitations, more or less. Yes, there's still 7 or so months (um..) before we need to actually have them, and Lord knows I'm changeable (like it one day, hate it a month later), but I like Photoshop, and I like making stuff, and I liked making them so much that for a minute there I had a glimmer of being able to do it more than just for fun. Maybe I'll put them below the cut, you can let me know what you think. Then I just have to figure out how we go about getting them printed up. We'd both love letterpress but I don't know how much $$$$$$ that would be.

I'm filled with a sense of trepidation about the wedding, in some ways. Not about getting married to Nic, although it's a very final and 'definite' thing to do... more that... you know, you always read wedding posts about people whose family came together and laughed and had a great time, and it was a real celebration and community thing, right? I don't even mean in the lead-up to the wedding, I'm assuming I'll get no help there except from Nic... more on the actual day, particularly for smaller, intimate weddings....I think I have a vision of my mother (or even other members of my family), gloomy, judging, making snide remarks about the food, the fact that we're having butter chicken as one of our mains and a vegetarian gnocchi as the other (quelle horreur! untraditional food!), or that there isn't enough wine selection, or that we served people canapes instead of a sit-down entree, etc etc. All these things, even though she continues to go on and on about her spit-roast backyard wedding...
I just want people to have fun, and I think I'm going to kill myself by stressing out about whether they will or not.
And then there's the feeling that Nic and I have sort of 'hermitised' ourselves. Which is to say, we have two really close friends, and not a whole lot beyond that until we get to 'people we're friends with at work', and 'people we talk to sometimes when we say 'let's catch up!' and it never happens'... and again, those stories of a community of people, of friends being there for one another, helping out, sharing the joy... I can't see it, and it makes me sad. And maybe when it's needed it will come... I don't know.

I've had two wedding panic 'oh crap we forgot something vitally important and it's the day of the wedding!' dreams already. Yesterday I made a timeline. I think I feel a bit better now.

Click below if you want to see the invite. If you could let me know what you think, if it needs any changes, etc, that would be fabulous. Of course it looks a bit less awesome without our surnames as it sits up nicely next to the ampersand, but so it goes. And the actual one has the password for the website, too, but it's not finished yet.

OH! I need to do a NZ post of some description. I'll knock that up a bit later.

the kittens... my god, the kittens.

I don't know what I did wrong in life to end up with two kittens, or who decided it was a good idea, but I could do without the 7am zoomies on and over the bed, the consistent digging around under furniture to get to a lost toy mouse, the having to stickytape carboard to the bottom of each whitegood we own (otherwise too many toys go under), the continual tripping over Darcy as he inevitably positions himself directly behind you when you're in the kitchen, AGAIN....

I AM glad, however, that neither of them seems to need brushing (not sure what that's about,  but it's a win for lazy people), they don't seem to cough up hairballs, and 6am (touch wood) is the earliest we get woken up by their antics (I've read horror stories of people being woken up at 4am).

On Sunday, Nic and I are going to my cousin's wedding, from the 'rich side' of my family. The ceremony is in a synagogue. I think the only synagogue I've been in was in Krakow- a tiny little affair in the old 'jewish part' of the city before the holocaust. I ate a tasty bagel around there though... anyhoo. So, it's apparently going to be quite orthodox, her dress apparently costs a fortune, the reception is being held at the yacht club (and the ceremony is at 2, reception at 6.30.... I didn't think it was normal to have such a huge gap between events...?) and Mum suspects she's invited 500 people. That being said, looking on the yacht club's website, you really can't trust my mother and her judgey-judgementalism, because the club can only seat 300 people, so unless my cousin is leaving 200 people at the ceremony/standing outside/waiting on the beach, I don't think she's having 500 people. So I'm trying not to get all judgey-judgementalism ala my mother, because my cousin is going to be having this outrageously expensive wedding that's going to be so traditional, because that's what she wants, so good for her... but it's still... difficult. Like, if she's spent $10k on her dress (again, my mother making these claims, so let's take them with a grain of salt), that's the most I want to spend on my wedding.

It's funny though, because every time I bring up the wedding, Mum goes on and on about how fantastic her backyard BBQ spit roast was. Which is fine, because it probably was fantastic, but it's like she's trying to push me to do the same thing. Imagine if I wanted the big dress with 300 people, and the whole shebang! It's only just good enough that I want a small wedding without all the hooplah, informal... I don't even have a backyard, but she keeps going on and on, like eventually I'll wake up and go: "Actually, that's a great idea, Mum! Let me set up a marquee over my veggie patch, have a few people around for beers, and make sure I keep the car races on the TV in the background shall I?"

So hey, this post ended up being less about kittens, and more ranting about weddings & my mother.

with or without you...

In amidst nearly crying while listening to "With or Without You" by U2 this morning on my drive to work, I figure I'm feeling a little emotionally vulnerable at the moment.

That's a nice term isn't it? Emotionally vulnerable.

This came to the fore on Saturday, at the end of a very long and very fruitless day of 'wedding stuff'. The day I tried on dresses that were frustratingly un-me. The day we went to wineries and were given information package after information package quoting $85-$120 a head. At one place, we were told that girls who drop $25k on their wedding were ridiculous, and nobody should need to pay that much. This same place had quoted us $85 a head, plus $600 to use their crappy gazebo for the ceremony, plus more for the chef there to make pies, or cakes, etc etc. So, ok, it wouldn't be quite $25k, but I don't think she has much perspective of the sheer cost of things, particularly when you start looking at a photographer for $3k+, and a dress for $2k+ (probably) and then all the random crap you're expected to have.
Anyway, that wasn't my point, that's just me venting, and setting the scene.
I consider that I did a lot of my 'growing up' in the area where we were- on the Mornington Peninsula.
I spent the first 12 or 13 years of my life on a 21 acre hobby farm, running around paddocks and having imaginary adventures with the family dog, or riding my pony around the dam.
Then we moved to Red Hill, where we had a beautiful property. We planted cherry and lemon trees, had the garden landscaped, my Dad planted gum trees up the long drive. When I turned 18, a bunch of friends from highschool bought me 18 seedlings, all native trees, and I planted them by myself in the paddock, and let them be. When we had to put down my pony, Cocoa, after he had been my companion for most of my life (he was, I think, in his 20s when it was time for him to go), we burried him and one of Mum's horses in one of the paddocks, where we planted a grove of trees. In highschool I had a band, and one of our 'famous songs' (haha) was called 'Shady Grove', and was about that place.

I had gone back a couple of years ago and was surprised at how big the trees were.  I think last time I was there, with a couple of friends, I was overwhelmed by the thrill of 'tresspassing' on my old home- we walked up the driveway and nobody was there.
I went back this time and as we drove up I broke down and cried quietly. The trees starting to bear fruit (we never got to eat them as we left before they were mature enough), the tall line of gums up the drive. The fact that the people weren't home; that I don't think they're usually home- only on holidays. At the beautiful gardens. At the fact that my mother sold this place to move to a snobby suburb to be near her parents, when she could have feasably rented it out, or something. And I don't know why this made me cry. I think the last part of my 'growing up' was done there. The property is spectacular, the house is amazing. Maybe I think I could have been living there- Nic and I, even though it's too far from anything. Maybe I'm just emotionally vulnerable and needed to ahve a cry and what we've lost.
Maybe I just like to cry. (Also a valid theory).

inexplicably sad..

I feel sad for my mum.
Depressed, even.

It's a strange feeling that's come over me like a sudden wave.

I feel sad that she's lonely. That her friends are her parents, and a woman who lives hours away. That she makes lame Facebook updates about her dog, because she has nothing more interesting going on in her life. That instead of calling, she messages me on 'the book'.

I feel sad that she doesn't like Nic, when he's an amazing person who does nothing but look after me, and let me be lazy on the couch when I just can't be bothered. That she doesn't see how happy I am, and won't share in it with me because she's stuck seeing something that isn't there, and fearing notions her parents taught her (he'll steal my money, he's only after our wealth, whatever.). It upsets me that things are so tense between us, when she used to be my friend who I'd visit every week, and, when things started going downhill with Tone, would just know that I wasn't ok. And now I feel sad that I can't be myself around her because I feel like I have to be constantly defensive, and second-guessing everything she says. Is that a thinly veiled criticism of Nic? What does she really mean by that?

I feel sad that nothing is going on in her life- nothing- so she feels the need to talk to me about it for hours, when I am struggling through Uni, teaching rounds, adventuring, travelling and planning a wedding... and all she does is ask a cursory question before going back to her own life.

I feel sad that our relationship has changed, and I don't think it can go back to how it was. Whether that's my fault, or hers, or both of ours equally (I don't know), it is how it is...

/end rant.

venue shopping, cost madness...

So my mother seems to be in good spirits based on her most recent FB messages.
Nic had suggested that we go, all three of us, in a car, for an extended period of time, while we visit some wineries and venues in the Yarra Valley, and try and suss out if she's contibuting anything, and if my grandparents are, and to give her the idea that we don't want a BBQ wedding in our backyard.

In a way, I'm still reeling over the expense of the venues- and they're not even that bad! I've seen places FROM $160 p/p. Imagine if you had 150 people. That's $24000, just on food/venue. THEN you probably have to add booze, dress, invites, suits etc etc etc etc... blah blah... I just... Nic found a figure online the other day, that the average cost of a wedding in Australia is $40k.

40...
thousand
dollars.


In the US, the story is a little different with most people apparently spending between $14,000 and $25,000... not including engagement ring and honeymoon. So... that's VAGUELY better... But it's just insane here.

Eg: wedding dresses. I've seen people on US websites picking up nice-looking dresses for $250, or $450 from David's Bridal. I think you'd be lucky to find a dress here for under $800. Really lucky. It makes me want to order a whole bunch of styles from some Chinese wholesalers, put them in a shop, order them from China for people, sell them for cheap (and make a profit along with it)... Surely there are brides in Aus... in Melbourne who want dresses on a budget. Who want to TRY those dresses on before they buy them. I'm all for buying online but I think wedding dress shopping is a) fun, and b) important to know what looks good, and c) a great way to bond with girlfriends and family in the lead up to the wedding. Maybe I just haven't looked in the right places, but I can't think of any stores that are anything like DB's in the US, where you can get 'standard' dresses in different styles for like, $450. I think we need that.

But that wasn't the point of this post. I've gone off topic. So in order to get friendly with my mother again, we're going venue shopping, and maybe she'll realise the actual cost of this thing. And we can talk with her about other important stuff, such as fixing my car, and my not being on her health insurance any more, and so on and so forth. Luckily the Yarra Valley isn't too far from home so if she becomes unbearable we can just go back and she can leave.

But! I have a very long list of wineries, and barns, and reception centers (tending to be more expensive) and camps! School camps. With bunks and fire pits and canoes and ropes courses. And I think, if we found a good one, that this could be such a kickass option. All our cool friends could stay the night, we could adventure all day, party all night, have a campfire, wake up late, go canoing, or walking, or exploring, or whatever. Just a matter of finding one that will let us- and a lot of them do corperate retreats so I wouldn't imagine it would be too different- and that we like, that's pretty, and has the appropriate 'scenery'. The look & feel of the place is so important to us...
But...! Lots of exploring to be done! Through Yarra Valley, Macedon, Daylesford and the Mornington Peninsula. Good times ahead.

reality sets in..

Despite the title of this post, I'm actually really enjoying the sense of 'realness' that having a date has brought. It's funny, the ring didn't do it, the announcement didn't do it, even trying on dresses didn't do it (maybe because I knew we were only there to see what styles I liked, and would never have bought one, particularly for $4k+)... but now, a girl at work has been asking me about this and that to do with the wedding and I'm airing my ideas. My left-of-centre, not traditional, totally us ideas that until this point had been only that: ideas... and now it's sort of like; hey, we can actually do these things. And they're not crazy, really. They're seeing each other before the ceremony, going to a walk together, having pies instead of a cake, they're not wearing heels and maybe having a dress with green on it, having bridespeople instead of restricting it to gender. They're Nic asking if we have to walk down an aisle, and couldn't we instead meet each other in the middle, coming in from the sides, and me saying: sure, why not!? I'm speaking them aloud and seeing reactions and realizing that we can actually do this...

Isn't it funny where the turning point happens? I read a lot of blogs and some of them say it's when they first tried on dresses... for me, it was simply choosing a Saturday, and deciding on that.

I know probably only Nic reads this, but if anyone else drops by, did you have a 'penny drop' moment that was unusual?

Since I haven't announced any of this on Facebook, of course my mother is nowhere to be seen, nor has she been the least bit excited or interested in it. Much like the rest of our lives. Hurrah. Enough of that! 2011 is nearly upon us!

friends, dates and life changing...

Last night I traipsed across this site, meetup.com, which is basically full of a bunch of dodgy 'spiritual' groups, supposedly teaching people how to 'live their best life' (my mum would benefit from joining some of them, no doubt), groups for men wanting to 'attract the most amazing women', and then some little ones for people who like hiking and walking, kayaking, for 20-something women wanting more friends, french speakers, ex-pat Canadians, etc. So I joined a couple. The more I think about it, the less satisfied I am with my group of friends. I have them, and they're awesome, but I don't see any of them regularly (except from the Uni girls, and a few of them are finishing this year so I won't see them in March), and I just don't feel that close. I think about my 'wedding party' or whatever terminology I'll end up using, and feel like I'd be picking bridespeople just because they're people I get along with, and not because I'm hugely close and want to share all my secrets with them over a tub of icecream.

so this is christmas...

merry christmas!

Nic and I started the day with our new breakfast tradition and had tasty healthy pancakes made with wholemeal flour, oats, yoghurt, milk, eggs and a little butter, plus fresh blueberries and maple syrup we bought in Vermont. Yum.

We opened our presents from the stockings then went to Grandma's (Mum's side) for our traditional christmas lunch, only without the normal seafood assortment.

family & friends...

One of the things most concerning me about this wedding rests at the back of my mind... and it stems from seeing so many wedding blog posts where people say: We just wanted to have all of our family and friends have a great time, or our family came together to help with everything, or it was great to have our family all there celebrating our love.

And the concern I have is this: Nic and I both come from divorced parents. My Dad said he never wanted to see my Mum again, and he hasn't. He also said, he never wants to go to another wedding. Ever. Now, his partner Sally is lovely, and will get him to go, but geez. Then, Mum's also a bit weird about him, and she doesn't like Nic. Nic once made the mistake of innocently suggesting my very sick Grandpa may be better off in some sort of expensive home, so Grandma could stop being so stressed, and Grandpa could get the care he needs. I had forgotten to mention to Nic at this point that my family is very anti-retirement home (despite being about to invest in, and develop, retirement homes. ironic!) , and as such, the news was reported back to Grandma that he's obviously a horrible person, so now she doesn't like him either. Joy. Then there's Dad's side of the family, most of whom don't speak to one another for various reasons. And I don't feel particularly close to my brother. Hurrah. Then on Nic's side of the family, because he grew up in Canada with his Mum & Dad, he's only met his Granparents, Aunts, and Uncles a few times. His cousins he's probably only met literally 4 times. And I know, you don't have to invite these people, but some cousins have invited us to their wedding, so that could turn out a little messy unless you have something REALLY small, which I don't want to do... 

Then I feel like I don't have enough friends. Not friends who I'd care about enough to invite. Maybe like.. 7. How do people manage to get 100 people at a wedding?? So I'd be happy with like, 70... and I suppose with family it adds up... But even so. 

And while the idea of eloping at this point in time sounds really attractive, I also want to have a day where I get to be pretty, and dress up, and throw an awesome party, and get pictures taken, and tell everybody how much I love Nic and maybe for my Mum to actually see it. 

I think her problem at the moment is that she tends to suck the life out of me. No kidding. She mumbles on an on about her parents, and her life... the other day she asks me: "So what's new in your life?" And I told her, "Nothing too much, work, uni, just finished rounds at school..." and she doesn't even acknowledge the fact I'd said anything, just goes on about her dog... So I get a bit blah when we're together, and I have a feeling maybe she thinks I'm miserable. Maybe Nic's this domineering personality who is squashing my  fragile spirit and overpowering me. You know, exactly like her and Dad. She constantly asks me if I'm happy, and I tell her I am, but I can't make it convincing because I'm too busy being depressed by her. So maybe she just wants me to be happy, but can't pay enough attention to me to actually hear about the cool stuff Nic & I do. She always asks about his job (which is a shit, fill-in job till he joins the police or something), and then nothing else. 

Sorry, this has become a bit of a bitch-fest. It's just... I never thought I'd give my future husband one of those mother in laws... and I never thought I'd be a) worried about telling Mum I'm engaged, or b) want to tell Dad before Mum.