lunch ladies

Today I went and had tea and cake with my step-grandmother (let's call her Joanne), my aunt (by marriage)(We'll call her Liza), and my Dad's partner, S (fooooorrr... Suzanne! That'll do), who is visiting Melbourne for a week.
I think it was an interesting feeling, sitting with 3 women who are 'outsiders', in a way, to 'my family'. So, I hadn't seen either Joanna or Liza for probably 4 or 5 years. And at that point it would have been very very briefly at a Christmas party and I would have probably said 'hi', before I wandered off. They figured out this was the last time- I thought it was when my Grandpa died when I was 9..ish, and we had the funeral. Maybe not, but that's what it felt like.
Brief history: Joanne married my Poppa as a second marriage, I was old enough to be a flower girl but not old enough to remember the wedding... So, they weren't together long before Poppa died of brain cancer. Apparently Joanne used to come with my Poppa to babysit me since I was born, up until he passed away, but I never remember he being there. For me, she was never 'really' part of our family.
Liza is technically my 'great-aunt', having married my Poppa's brother. And Suzanne and Dad have been together for maybe... er... 8 years now? And it was only on my trip to their place last year that I had grown up enough to realize she wasn't a horrible monster and that she was really, really good for my Dad.
So there's the scene. That's what I mean by 3 women who are 'outside' the family. It was just interesting to me that they were all tied to that blood- blood in me, but didn't have it themselves, you know what I mean?
But anyway, we talked about life, and weddings, and family, and Nic, and my brother, and food... It was nice. Really nice. Joanne and Liza often travel together- they've gone halfway around the world (and Australia) and back together. I just loved seeing that that friendship was still going. I hope I have that one day, in a woman. I love Nic, he's my best friend, but sometimes it'd be nice to have a woman companion, too.

 

This is a rock wallaby. He has nothing to do with anything. I was just reminded yesterday that my posts have been rather wordy lately, and I felt like I needed to break it up some way. He is from Magnetic Island, QLD, and is quite tiny. Also, they all appear to have iddy-biddy smiles on their faces. T'aw. AND LOOK AT HIS LITTLE HANDS. 

Anyhoo..

And then I came home and did some pilates/yoga in front of the TV cos today was hot (wtf autumn!?) and I didn't want to cycle in 30C.

I forgot to mention, but the other night, as we were getting ready to go to sleep, I suddenly realized that I can actually times things by 4.
As in, I suck at timestables, right? 2 3, 5, 9, 10, 11 - fine. 4? Not beyond 5 x 4... 6? Not really, I'll work out what 5 x 6 or 10 x 6 is, and go from there... 7... same thing, 8, same thing. But then I realized that if I need to times something by 4... I can double that number, then double it again. This might sound super lame to all you number people, but suddenly I could work out 6 x 4 without having to go from 5. I could also work out 122 X 4 without much difficulty as well, which is probably more than most people. So, I was excited about this. This brought me one step closer to 'being able to do maths'.
And I told Nic, cos I was excited.
And somehow, we ended up having an argument about timestables.
Seriously.
In bed, arguing about timestables and teaching them.
That surely has to be one of the dumbest arguments going around, right?

 

And right now I've been struck by a thought...
So, i'm no good with parents. I know right now at School, when parents come, I'm just some random young-looking-person who hangs around and smiles, and talks to the kids, right? But I don't introduce myself because I get shy... I'm really shy about parents. I'm terrified about parents... So here's me and Nic arguing over the best way to teach timestables... and he's someone who has heard and who agrees with most things I say about teaching (usually eventually)... and he just... wouldn't... he wouldn't let me compromise on this... And I'm now thinking: Holy crap, he doesn't even have an investment in this. What about when I get a parent who thinks they know best?!!?
So, maybe all this arguing with Nic will go to a good cause. I'll have already heard all the critiques, already backed up my point of view, already provided evidence...
He'll say he's doing me a favor.

Want another wallaby? You know you do.

YAY!

there's been a lot of rain lately...

My Dad cracks me up.

We've been organizing flights for me to go up and visit him in Townsville over winter (so, June). We booked them the other day, knowing Nic wouldn't be able to get that much time off work to come up with me, I was just going to leave him with Mia and Mallei and have a holiday up there all by my lonesome.

Last night (a couple of nights after we'd booked the tickets), my phone rings- it's Dad.  Now, you have to kind of imagine a typically jovial, dorky Dad, who's funny without meaning to be, because he's a dork, but Aussie, ok?

Here is me and Dad, back in the day, with a koala. I don't think they let you hold them like this anymore. Liability and all. He no longer has the beard. I have more hair. T'aw.

"Hey Dad!"
"Oh! G'day Em!"
"...How're you?" (I'm puzzled as to why he's calling, since I spoke with him only a couple of days ago and we tend to have once-a-fortnight catchups. It works for us. I thought he might be calling because I'd sent an email asking whether he knew any good places for a couple-nights hike over Easter, since he's done a lot more hiking than we have, and knows the trails better.).
"Good, good thanks. It's been raining a lot here! Good thing you're not coming up now! We've had 600mm of rain!"
I'm thinking: He's calling me to tell that a tropical part of this country is raining? During the wet season? Really?
"Oh... Well, good thing!"
"Yeah.... I haven't been able to play the back 9 holes of our golf course if 5 months! It's been flooded!"
(As a side note, apparently there's a crocodile that lives in a pond on their golf-course. I'm kind of glad they haven't been allowed down there) At this point, I think Nic said my face was like: You're calling to tell about the weather, wtf?
"Oh no!"
"Yep. And the club's really struggling for money now because nobody can play the holes that they're thinking of having a trivia competition!" Said like it was a terrible offense to mankind.
"Well... that'll be fun?"
"They were trying to think of ways to raise money, so someone suggested this trivia night, and I said 'Why don't we have a hole-in-one competition on my hole?' which is the one I look after (he does the gardening on it) and the best hole in the golf course, but nobody's been able to get there for 5 months because it's all muddy and swamp! Haha!!"
"...Oh!"
"Yeah! The other day, I tried to go to the post-office, and I had to wade through 2 feet of water to get there!!!"
"Ha! How about that!? You're not getting floods or anything are you?"
There's a momentary silence, like I'm an idiot.
"No, no, you know, it just rains here!" (You'll notice I finish every one of his sentences with an exclamation mark. It's like that, really).
"Oh. Well, yeah, it's the rainy season, I guess. You're used to it..." Still waiting to get to the point.
"So, uh, I just logged on to my email, and I saw about the easter trip, so I'll email you about that later...But, do you think Nic might like to come up for the long weekend?!" (I'm going up over a long weekend, and then some)
"Well, yeah, of course he would, but that's only 3 days! He could easily get at least 2 days off work..!" So here is my Dad, offering to buy my fiance tickets for a 5 hour flight to come visit him for 3 days.
"Well, it'd be nice to see Nic! So if he came up on Saturday and left on Monday, that'd be pretty good!"
Sometimes he doesn't hear what I say, my father.
"He could come up a couple more days, Dad, that won't be a problem. Maybe he could fly up with me, and just go home a bit earlier!"
So he goes and looks online and tells me he'll book them, to which I have to slow him down, make sure Nic can get the time off work before the non-refundable tickets are booked.
At the end of the conversation, everything comes in a rush:
"Ok, well call me tomorrowoktalktoyousoonloveyoubye!!!"
And I think, again, yep. My Dad rocks. He's bough/buyingt tickets for both of us... and this 'love you' at the end of each phone call? I think that started creeping in there around about the time of Cyclone Yasi.
On that though, my brother didn't call.
He didn't call before the cyclone, and I don't think he called immediately after the cyclone.
But anyhoo. That's the story of how Nic is coming up to Queensland with me, assuming he can get the time off, which shouldn't be an issue.

Me, in a box. I don't know why. For a guy who didn't want to be a Dad up until the point where I was actually born, I think he did ok.  

I was going to write a nice deep post about how we talked a little about cheating and the 'd-word' (Nic said: "Dumped?!?!?!" and I said: "Uh... the married version of that, yes" .. "Ooohhh. Divorce.") last night, and what came of that, but, well, this was more fun. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow. No Post-school day post today because I didn't go yesterday. I was tired and didn't feel up to it and had a headache most of the morning so it's probably a good thing. Next week though, there will be more School antics. Also another Tasty Tuesday (maybe our gnocchi recipe that we'll be doing tonight) and I'm making a bit of a kitten-growing-up-and-antics video as well, but I'm missing some bits, so I'll do that eventually.
Happy Friday (well, for some of us) y'all.

daddy's girl..

I spoke to my Dad tonight- for the first time since pre-Cyclone-Yasi. They got through fine, although he said it was "pretty windy! I've never seen it so windy!" (really, Dad?), and they only just got power back on yesterday. Happily they kept their roof, although some of the sheets came unattached, he's fixed them.
But my conversation with him ended (with him saying "love you!" - which just throws me because it's so rare, and not necessarily in a bad way, because it makes me appreciate it more, I think) and I found myself on my knees in the living room floor forgetting to breathe. This happens when I'm crying, but not crying. Ie: I'm trying to not become a big blubbery mess. Nic was holding me. I kind of wanted to sob that "I miss my Daddy" but I was a bit more composed than that.

Me and Dad laughing, on my visit to Townsville last year.

 

Of course, this followed from a terrible conversation with my mother today where she basically questioned, again, my decision to quit my job, and the fact that Centelink don't know I'm in a relationship and whether that was wise. I basically have no choice, because if they find out, I get $0 per fortnight, instead of the measly $400 I get now.
Maybe I should do a comparison table of Dad's Awesome vs. Mum's Suck. Suckiness? Sucktastic. Anyway.
Upon hearing I'd quit my job because I'd be working for less than $10 an hour:
Dad:
"Oh! Well there's plenty of cash in hand jobs, if you know where to look! And tutoring is a great idea because you'll get plenty of good experience!"
Mum:
"Oh... well, sorry, I only "earn"* 20k a year and won't be able to help you out."

Upon hearing we want to (hypothetically) go overseas:
Dad:
"Cool! I'll put some travel money in your bank account!"
Mum:
"Oh. Well, Grandma wants to go overseas. But she can't. Because she's old. Life sucks. Woe is me."

Upon hearing we're engaged:
Dad:
"Awesome!! That's great news! Congratulations! Do you know when you'll get married!?"
Mum:
"Oh. Well... that's good. Anyway... Life sucks around here. I'm bored. Woe is me."

Just general conversation:
Dad:
"So S and I were talking about your wedding the other day and we thought about x-y-z venue, have you thought about that!?"
Mum:
"Woe is me. Woe and misery and despair."

More general conversation:
Dad:
"So! What's news with Nic!?"
Mum:
"So my dog barfed the other day. I had to clean it up. Well, better get back to being miserable. Talk to you later."

I may have altered some of what Mum said, but it's close enough to the truth that I don't care.
And something occured to me while I was sitting on the floor missing Dad tonight. Some idea that had begun brewing recently upon reading about a bride who had never considered being walked down the aisle, and then figured; hey, I love my Dad! And he was so thrilled and proud to be able to do it...
And I never wanted to be 'given away' or walked down the aisle... but... I'm thinking, maybe I will. I love my Dad. He's awesome. He makes me laugh. His phone conversations are always the right length- he knows when to say goodbye. He flies me up to see him. He asks about Nic. He is interested in my life and loves to hear from me. He's great. I want him to share with me, in a very special father-daughter way, this transition in my life. I won't be 'given away'... I want him to walk with me.
Yeah...
I think Dad might be walking me down the aisle after all.
Now I'm all teary again. I think I'm going to have to make a 'crying' tag.

Dad, after he decided to try and pull apart some leaf ant nests and got them all over himself. Please note fashionable hat, and long socks with runners. He's the coolest guy I know.

Us on Dad's Triumph motorbike before we went for a spin. Very happy to be on a bike again! 

*My quotation marks, because she doesn't work, therefore I don't consider her to 'earn' anything.

going back to my roots...?

I tend to go through phases of 'obsessions'. Poor Nic knows this, and has grown to accept it. Example: The last month spent looking, frenzied, at wedding dresses. Dress after dress after dress. And my problem is that I'll settle on something... I'll say:
Yes! This is what I like! I feel happy with this. Done! I'll stop looking.
And then something nags at me. Or I get curious. And I look a little more.
And a little more.
And a bit more...
Until I'm full-blown back into trawling galleries of dresses, peering at designers, lauding the benefits of this neckline or sleaves or trains vs. no trains, etc.
It seems to have waned a little for the moment, at least on the dress hunt. I'm sure it'll be back (though am still loving the Wai Ching Athena dress - see the ideas page)... just right now, it's settled.
For now, anyway.
.
But my new, most recent obsession, is the what-do-I-do-with-my-name-when-we-get-married dilemma.

my father's optimism

I just called my Dad and his partner S, who are bunkering down up in Townsville, in preparation for Cyclone Yasi.
Dad started the call by thanking me for the call.
Well, duh, Dad. It's not like I'm doing a favour. I'm your damned daughter checking if you're ok.
Although he probably hasn't heard from my brother. But that's ok.
Then, of course, because they were still alive (um, Em, the cyclone is still over the ocean and won't get to land until some time this evening.), I had a bit of a cry at my desk here at work. And because I was worried.
Dad told me they'd moved all the electrical things from the 'downstairs house' to the 'upstairs house' (theirs is a typical 'Queenslander Style' house, built for flooding and sea rises, so the house was originally up on stilts, but somebody filled in the bottom section and built another house under there, kitchen and all.)
He said he wasn't worried about the rising sea tide, though reckons it'll be 'lapping at their door' downstairs..
"So long as the roof doesn't blow off, we'll be right. That's the main thing."

with or without you...

In amidst nearly crying while listening to "With or Without You" by U2 this morning on my drive to work, I figure I'm feeling a little emotionally vulnerable at the moment.

That's a nice term isn't it? Emotionally vulnerable.

This came to the fore on Saturday, at the end of a very long and very fruitless day of 'wedding stuff'. The day I tried on dresses that were frustratingly un-me. The day we went to wineries and were given information package after information package quoting $85-$120 a head. At one place, we were told that girls who drop $25k on their wedding were ridiculous, and nobody should need to pay that much. This same place had quoted us $85 a head, plus $600 to use their crappy gazebo for the ceremony, plus more for the chef there to make pies, or cakes, etc etc. So, ok, it wouldn't be quite $25k, but I don't think she has much perspective of the sheer cost of things, particularly when you start looking at a photographer for $3k+, and a dress for $2k+ (probably) and then all the random crap you're expected to have.
Anyway, that wasn't my point, that's just me venting, and setting the scene.
I consider that I did a lot of my 'growing up' in the area where we were- on the Mornington Peninsula.
I spent the first 12 or 13 years of my life on a 21 acre hobby farm, running around paddocks and having imaginary adventures with the family dog, or riding my pony around the dam.
Then we moved to Red Hill, where we had a beautiful property. We planted cherry and lemon trees, had the garden landscaped, my Dad planted gum trees up the long drive. When I turned 18, a bunch of friends from highschool bought me 18 seedlings, all native trees, and I planted them by myself in the paddock, and let them be. When we had to put down my pony, Cocoa, after he had been my companion for most of my life (he was, I think, in his 20s when it was time for him to go), we burried him and one of Mum's horses in one of the paddocks, where we planted a grove of trees. In highschool I had a band, and one of our 'famous songs' (haha) was called 'Shady Grove', and was about that place.

I had gone back a couple of years ago and was surprised at how big the trees were.  I think last time I was there, with a couple of friends, I was overwhelmed by the thrill of 'tresspassing' on my old home- we walked up the driveway and nobody was there.
I went back this time and as we drove up I broke down and cried quietly. The trees starting to bear fruit (we never got to eat them as we left before they were mature enough), the tall line of gums up the drive. The fact that the people weren't home; that I don't think they're usually home- only on holidays. At the beautiful gardens. At the fact that my mother sold this place to move to a snobby suburb to be near her parents, when she could have feasably rented it out, or something. And I don't know why this made me cry. I think the last part of my 'growing up' was done there. The property is spectacular, the house is amazing. Maybe I think I could have been living there- Nic and I, even though it's too far from anything. Maybe I'm just emotionally vulnerable and needed to ahve a cry and what we've lost.
Maybe I just like to cry. (Also a valid theory).

my kitten is certainly not a princess...

Today I made a video:

the start of a weekend...

I went outside this morning at about 7am, and the billions of ants that usually infest our drive weren't there. I figure they were sleeping in. Luckily for me, Reya has an inbuilt alarm clock that doesn't factor in weekend-time (really, I just want to sleep till 8. It's not that much to ask), but dictates that she (and so, by proxy, we) wake up at 6.00am every morning. If her attempts to actually get us to be exciting don't work then, she'll try again at 6.30. Subsequently, we were lucid by 6.40 this morning, which, ironically, is earlier than we've been awake all week, despite going to work, interviews, etc etc.

But as per my second-to-last blog post, I thought I'd share a bit more about the world here.

So, this is apparently how we spend a (not every) Saturday morning. Nic throws a teatowel over Mallei's shoulders and calls him a "Bar-tender-dog". Mallei mopes around looking depressed. He drops off his tea-towel in the laundry and comes back, looking a little more chipper.
Nic is aghast.
"What?!? Where's your bar-tending scarf?! Now you're just a regular dog!!!"
Mal and I go on a mission to find the scarf. It's been discarded. As I put it on, I realize this has much more potential than I originally considered. I tie it under his chin, and cover his ears. He instantly looks despondent, and together we trek back to the kitchen. Nic looks down from where he's making pancakes.
"Is he a maid!?!?!?!?"
"No! He's an old Polish lady!!"
"Oh! And he has to go toil in the fields, with a horse, and one of those stupid things that doesn't work!"
I look puzzled. "One of those stupid things that doesn't work?"
"Yeah, you know. And he gets beaten." Nic starts pretending to hit Mal with the spatula. Mal hangs his head.
"He looks pretty unhappy with his lot."
"Well, you'd be unhappy too if you had to toil in the fields."
And this is not an abnormal scenario for us. Which is slightly concerning.

 

This is how Reya helps me on the computer. She is going to be so much awesome fun when I'm back at Uni and have to type 6,000 word assignments again. 

And there is my garden. I'm calling it my garden because I planted everything in there. At the top is a tomato. We have many, many tomatoes currently growing. So many tomatoes I think we may need to throw some kind of ridiculous tomato party where we feed our guests nothing but tomato sauce, salsa and tomato salad.
Next to that is looking up the garden. You can't see my very sickly capsicum plants, but they are there. Also there are 'mixed salads' but I think a few varieties died, so now it is monotone salads. There are also zuccinis with not enough space, salad I tried to plant from seeds (nothing in this garden grows if planted as a seed. Seriously.) Then there are spinach, leeks which we've grown from seeds inside, then planted outside, and which seem to be taking a ridiculous amount of time to grow...Then there are spring onions, and covering all that is a rhubarb (Nic didn't tell me it was going to turn out like some tropical monstrosity with huge leaves so now it's poorly positioned. it was very small when I first planted it there, having come from a very small pot considering how big its grown). Then there are the tomato-plants-that-are-taller-than me.... Oh, and on the side is another zuccini in a pot (the pot where the rhubarb used to be), and you can't see it but there's also a 'perennial lettuce', and my beloved raspberry.
And the last photo is the herb section of the garden. With the ridiculous mint of doom, the still-new rosemary plant, the thyme, the too-much-oregano and the chives. Plus there are strawberries. OH! And Basil, which is near the tomatoes. Maybe a tomato-and-basil salad at our tomato party?
And that's my little garden. And it's poorly planned out, but things seem to be doing ok, considering, and we've eaten about 6 raspberries now which is amazing and so delicious, and soon we shall have tomatoes. And one day I'll pull some stalks off my rhubarb but not until it's a little more 'developed'. And then I'll feel bad. For destroying it.

Off to see about joining the gym!! I did a Body Pump class last night and now most of me is in pain. Good pain. But still, pain.

you don't... want... children...?!!?

Lookit me go! I'm on a blogging roll. Thank God someone at work showed me how to get internet access beyond theage.com.au

So, I don't want children. Not real ones- I have my furkids, they're pretty awesome. It's like a bit of a joke, people say: "So, when's the wedding? And when's the baby?" And I don't think they're trying to insult me, post-America-stomach and all, but I think it's that natural progression- Boyfriend->Fiance->Wedding->Baby.
Which is fine.
For people wanting that.
And then I say I don't want kids. And people look shocked. How dare I?! I haven't finished Uni yet... if I were to follow the timeline here, I would have spent 5 years studying, 1 year teaching, then be into babymaking. Then, say goodbye to adventures for at least the first however many years... goodbye to get-up-and-go travel, to long travel, to financial freedom, to time to ourselves... And I don't want that. It's enough having Mallei and Reya- if we go away, somebody has to look after them, or we board them... we can't just go for the night anymore since Mallei needs to be fed and to go outside... I've had the "we'll see..." lecture a bunch of times. The other day I explained my thoughts to somebody, and ended with this:
"Maybe that's selfish, I don't know."
And I regretted saying that the minute it had come out.
Because who's it selfish to? It's selfish to something that doesn't exist. To an idea. To my ovaries? To my Mum, for not supplying her with grandchildren? (I'm sure my brother will)... It's not selfish. It's what I want. You can't be selfish to something that isn't.

If I had kids, I think my great delights would be in naming them stupid names. Like... Zebra. Or Aaron Abr--(my surname) so they're ALWAYS called first in roll-call. I don't think that's a good, reasonable, or responsible reason to have children.

And I'm happy with my pets. I'm happy cuddling them, and smelling their fur, and crying on them and having them lick my tears. Except Reya. She thinks the salt is tasty and my eyebrows are catterpillars and she just wants to claw out my eyeballs and eat my face.... She's a lovely kitten. But, you know... we take Mallei with us when we go hiking, if we can.We run, walk, explore, climb, boulder.. and he comes. Reya cuddles up and sleeps on my chest while we watch tv. We feed them, wash them, love them. We take them to the emergency vet because they've done something stupid and cry with worry.

It's funny, I bet nobody asks Nic when we're having kids... I was about to write that I don't know why I'm the one being held responsible... then I thought that was stupid, and then realised that no, it isn't stupid. Just because I can BEAR children doesn't mean that I'm the only one in charge of having them! (It's a team effort, after all) If we were to have kids it would be as much his decision as it is mine... yet everybody asks me and (I could be wrong), I don't imagine anyone would ask him. Stupid gender roles.

venue shopping, cost madness...

So my mother seems to be in good spirits based on her most recent FB messages.
Nic had suggested that we go, all three of us, in a car, for an extended period of time, while we visit some wineries and venues in the Yarra Valley, and try and suss out if she's contibuting anything, and if my grandparents are, and to give her the idea that we don't want a BBQ wedding in our backyard.

In a way, I'm still reeling over the expense of the venues- and they're not even that bad! I've seen places FROM $160 p/p. Imagine if you had 150 people. That's $24000, just on food/venue. THEN you probably have to add booze, dress, invites, suits etc etc etc etc... blah blah... I just... Nic found a figure online the other day, that the average cost of a wedding in Australia is $40k.

40...
thousand
dollars.


In the US, the story is a little different with most people apparently spending between $14,000 and $25,000... not including engagement ring and honeymoon. So... that's VAGUELY better... But it's just insane here.

Eg: wedding dresses. I've seen people on US websites picking up nice-looking dresses for $250, or $450 from David's Bridal. I think you'd be lucky to find a dress here for under $800. Really lucky. It makes me want to order a whole bunch of styles from some Chinese wholesalers, put them in a shop, order them from China for people, sell them for cheap (and make a profit along with it)... Surely there are brides in Aus... in Melbourne who want dresses on a budget. Who want to TRY those dresses on before they buy them. I'm all for buying online but I think wedding dress shopping is a) fun, and b) important to know what looks good, and c) a great way to bond with girlfriends and family in the lead up to the wedding. Maybe I just haven't looked in the right places, but I can't think of any stores that are anything like DB's in the US, where you can get 'standard' dresses in different styles for like, $450. I think we need that.

But that wasn't the point of this post. I've gone off topic. So in order to get friendly with my mother again, we're going venue shopping, and maybe she'll realise the actual cost of this thing. And we can talk with her about other important stuff, such as fixing my car, and my not being on her health insurance any more, and so on and so forth. Luckily the Yarra Valley isn't too far from home so if she becomes unbearable we can just go back and she can leave.

But! I have a very long list of wineries, and barns, and reception centers (tending to be more expensive) and camps! School camps. With bunks and fire pits and canoes and ropes courses. And I think, if we found a good one, that this could be such a kickass option. All our cool friends could stay the night, we could adventure all day, party all night, have a campfire, wake up late, go canoing, or walking, or exploring, or whatever. Just a matter of finding one that will let us- and a lot of them do corperate retreats so I wouldn't imagine it would be too different- and that we like, that's pretty, and has the appropriate 'scenery'. The look & feel of the place is so important to us...
But...! Lots of exploring to be done! Through Yarra Valley, Macedon, Daylesford and the Mornington Peninsula. Good times ahead.

and it all works out so perfectly...

Exciting news!!

I think we have a date!
It's the most 'set in concrete' date we've had, and it feels good. Really good. A bit frightening because it seems as though 'holy hell, this is actually happening'... but also really exciting. And real. Before it had all been a long way off in the future and  something we didn't need to worry about right now (and it's still just under 2 years off) BUT... there's a discernible length of time now. I can say, hey, it's 97 weeks, or 22 months (holy crap)... but now I don't feel so bad looking at wedding dresses (must loose weight) or wedding bands... or town halls, or talking about writing vows or about fairy lights, or considering having a vegetarian menu.
So here it is:
 

10/11/12.

And by the way that date blows my mind. First of all.. check it out. it's awesome. People will be going ga-ga over 12/12/12, but I think 10-11-12 is pretty awesome too... Nic took a little convincing on that BUT his argument was: why have it on a special day? And I say: Why not? Why have it on some random-ass day? Why NOT have it on a kickassly numerical date? Plus we won't forget it... PLUS it's 3 years to the day that he arrived in Aus to be with me, PLUS it's a Saturday, and it's in the timeframe we wanted anyway.
So.... that is awesome.
Tomorrow is NYE... I don't think we're doing anything. Lame? Maybe. But I feel worn out and like I'd rather stay home and hang with the family. Yup.

friends, dates and life changing...

Last night I traipsed across this site, meetup.com, which is basically full of a bunch of dodgy 'spiritual' groups, supposedly teaching people how to 'live their best life' (my mum would benefit from joining some of them, no doubt), groups for men wanting to 'attract the most amazing women', and then some little ones for people who like hiking and walking, kayaking, for 20-something women wanting more friends, french speakers, ex-pat Canadians, etc. So I joined a couple. The more I think about it, the less satisfied I am with my group of friends. I have them, and they're awesome, but I don't see any of them regularly (except from the Uni girls, and a few of them are finishing this year so I won't see them in March), and I just don't feel that close. I think about my 'wedding party' or whatever terminology I'll end up using, and feel like I'd be picking bridespeople just because they're people I get along with, and not because I'm hugely close and want to share all my secrets with them over a tub of icecream.

on being normal... or why I don't get smashed at work parties.

Just before Christmas there were two Christmas parties for work- one for the whole company, so where a couple of hundred people I don't know would have gone to get drunk and try and sleep with one another.
The other party was just for our section of the company, so Nic wouldn't have been allowed to come. There was two hours of free drinks provided.

The first, people didn't mind so much that I didn't go, because hardly anyone from our team went. The second, I'd given an indication that I might go, but only until finished work (so I'd be there from about 4.30 to 6ish, then we'd leave. We were driving home together). I don't really drink. They tend to have 'drinks runs' at work on Friday arvo, where people spend their pay on a 6 pack (or whatever), drink it at work, then go home. I don't think I've ever bought drinks in a drinks run. I don't go out, and I never really have. So I'm getting pressure from co-workers to go to this party, get smashed, go crazy. I go, I'll say, but not for long. To which they give me a look. Like I'm being deprived.
When I said I didn't think I'd go to one girl, she looks astonished and says: "Just come out and be SOCIAL!"
And I think about the coffee I'd had with a friend the evening before and wonder how or why that is any less social than going out, getting so intoxicated that you don't make any sense, make a fool of yourself, fall asleep in a pile of drool, and wake up not remembering a thing. Because let's face it, that's what they're taking about. It's not a sophisticated wine at a clean bar somewhere- it's a divey pub with sticky floors.
Maybe I should have gone and said hello, but then as soon as I said I was leaving, I would have gotten the same treatment.
In the end, I was watching people getting ready- a flurry of activity as girls madly straightened their hair in the bathroom, boys smoked outside and cracked open their third can of JD and coke (at 4.30pm, mind you)... and then girls started applying concealer to mosquito bites on their legs. These girls are married and engaged. And they're worried about a couple of red spots on their legs. For a party in a room with minimal lighting where nobody could care less. This was the point I decided 'enough is enough', and very quietly made my exit.

Because here's the thing. By leaving early, my life could continue like this:

Nic drives me home, we have a chat about our day, some nice time with just the two of us (not having to shout over music or getting drinks spilled on us), as we ponder over dinner and miss our furkids.
We get home, greeted happily by Mallei who has been inside all day and is just mega-stoked to see us, but really needs to pee. The kitten hasn't figured out how the front door yet, so gets stuck behind it again, and we have a laugh. We bustle inside and head out almost immediately to take Mal for a walk in the last of the sunshine for the day. This is another nice time for just the two of us to talk and relax and unwind. We head home. Nic starts on dinner while I feed the animals, then spend some time playing with Reya and Mal. We eat, relax, watch an episode of one of our tv shows, then head to bed at about 10 or 10.30 where we cuddle up and talk about nothing for another half an hour as the kitten races around and plays in the bath, skidding around corners and 'glomping' up and down the hall. Mal sighs from his bed, like he's too old for this crap, but is secretly fascinated by Reya's antics. And then we go to sleep. If it's a friday night, we have a sleep in till about 8, and then have the whole day to get out and about, to run or cycle or paddle, to cook or garden or go shopping, or whatever we want...

I think the alternative- of succumbing to pressure and 'getting smashed' at the party- would have been much less enjoyable. I'm just sick of that being the norm, and for me being weird or unsociable for not wanting to go down that route. Were it not for work, I wouldn't speak to or socialize with any of those people, so why is making a fool of myself in front of them apparently a prerequisite for a harmonious work environment? I know, I could go out and only have a drink or two, but then there's still the 'party-pooper' mentality if I try and leave before I'm completely off my face.

Grow up, people. There's more to life than that.
 (and I'm not just saying that because I'm a soon-to-be-grumpy-old-wife ;) )

imaginary conversations.

Nic is in the kitchen with Reya on his shoulder, making coffee.
He says: "No, you can't go down, benchtops aren't for kittens..." (my rule)
In a higher, squeaky voice: "But they might be!"
He says: "No. They're not."

It was just gloriously adorable.

[Edit again: Nic, opening the fridge and talking to the dog: "There's food coming out of everywhere Mal! It's packed to the gills!!"
Nic, in low grumbly, grumpy 'Mallei' voice: "You're packed to the gills, Nic."]

[Edit again with the addition of below movie: I love our kids...]

so this is christmas...

merry christmas!

Nic and I started the day with our new breakfast tradition and had tasty healthy pancakes made with wholemeal flour, oats, yoghurt, milk, eggs and a little butter, plus fresh blueberries and maple syrup we bought in Vermont. Yum.

We opened our presents from the stockings then went to Grandma's (Mum's side) for our traditional christmas lunch, only without the normal seafood assortment.

i keep forgetting what i want to write about...

So I keep having ideas about things to write about here, but then I forget.
Which is a little bit useless.


Today is my last day at work until next wednesday. The opportunity to take friday off came up so I took it. Things are very casual at work at the moment before x-mas, which is nice..


I found a really lovely dress that I like, though it seems a little bit silly to be doing wedding-prep/wedding-planning 2 or 3 years before we're thinking of having it. I'm also bummed out because the designer is in Seattle, apparently lovely, and I was just THERE and didn't KNOW about her, or I would have gone. Argh! Anyway, it's the Wai Ching Eucalyptus dress. I like it because it has colour, it's pretty and silky, but also has some lace, sort of, it's fitted through the hips but then goes out in a flowy skirt, it can be made with a sweetheart neckline, it isn't exorbitant in price, and it looks pretty. Isn't that enough reason? So I need to find someone in Seattle who has the same measurements as me (ie: hip to waist to bust ratio) who can go try it on and see if it looks good.
That may be problematic but I figure there's a bunch of lovely wedding communities with members who should, in theory, be happy to help me out!


Nic and I are trying to put together out Christmas plans. We're locked into lunch with Mum's side of the family... Nic's family have a tradition of going for an hour long walk after Christmas lunch, and Christmas stockings- both of which we're going to adopt. While we were in North America, it felt super Christmassy because it was cold- suitable weather for the season! When we got back here it was warm(ish) and tropical- not very like the season. So we were complaining about that. Then I had a thought: We're not going to be in Australia forever (hopefully), therefore, we're not going to have warm Christmasses forever... so maybe we should make the most of it and do something that you can ONLY do in an Australian (or Southern Hemisphere) Christmas, like kayaking or swimming. So we're going to do that at some point- perhaps Boxing Day... And we want to have a special breakfast, as our own tradition that we're starting. Plus presents for the furkids, of course.
So that's how our Christmas is going to go- our little family, new traditions, old traditions, food, my family, a bit of exercise and getting outdoors (if it's not boiling hot, which it shouldn't be), and probably relaxing at night, maybe some salad for dinner. That sounds good to me.

the adventure that was, post-trip slump, being back in the real world...

So I'm back.


After 6 weeks of travelling through North America with Nic, we're back at home, back at work, soon to be back at Uni.


And I'm not going to write about the trip (This is a lie. I write about the trip, but not in a Day 1:... Day 2:... sort of way, but much more fragmented) because it would take too long, and be too vague, or too mechanical- I'll distance myself and make it about the facts: We went here, we saw this, we ate that... rather than everything else it was.
I tell people it was full on. And it was.
We drove a couple of thousand kms on the wrong side of the road, through ice, snow, sleet, pouring rain and glorious sun... we stood in countless airport queues, removed our shoes, got patted down, fought for seats, and had four to ourself on the flight home, so we stretched out and slept.
We took 2 ferries... no, 3 ferries! We played cards, watched Criminal Minds in a dozen hotel rooms. We made jokes about the sheer ridiculousness of King sized beds, and how we lost each other in them. I cried over dinner, we taught Bananagrams to our family. We met cats, horses, a llama, dogs, eagles, otters, children, teenagers, brothers and sisters-in-law, friends and random people in airport lines. We searched for moose and didn't see any. We ate breakfasts, stole bagels for lunch, shared dinners and had terrible service because of it. We ate about a hundred bagels between us.
We shopped.
We shopped for boots. So many boot shops.
I lost a magnet that I then cried over losing. Then I found it. Then I lost it again (and still haven't found it again). We walked cobbled streets, J-walked, ran, hunched against rain and wind, sunk in snow, slid on icy trails, went under and overground. I took about 57 photos of squirrels, fat, thin and white. And about the same amount of photos of seagulls.
We saw landmarks but didn't pay for the privledge of entering them. We did a lot of things by the cheap, for free, or just refused to pay (honestly Parks Quebec? We're not paying). We discovered the joy of included breakfasts and still had oatmeal. I became thoroughly addicted to coffee. We ate national or regional 'specialities' - Poutine in Quebec, Tim Horton's all over Canada (best doughnuts ever), a 'butter burger' in Madison, WI, deep fried cheese curds (also Madison, WI)(and OMG delicious), a Criff dog in NYC, bagels in NYC, falafel in NYC... in fact, we just ate a LOT, in NYC. A&W burgers in Canada, pretzels and canelonis from the Green Market in Union Square (again, NYC)...
We contemplated the future as we knew this was our 'scouting trip' of where we wanted to live one day. We watched as our plans for Montreal and QC went down the drain as we intensly disliked the province, and contemplated Vancouver and BC.
I metaphorically fell down, Nic metaphorically picked me up. I planned, Nic fixed. We were barely a moment apart, and if we were, it was in clothes stores where we'd meet up in change rooms with the catch-cry "Bananas?!", people be damned if they think we're weird.


Then we came home.
And we rearranged the lounge on our first day back, after 36 hours in Transit (SEA-PHO PHO-LAX LAX-AUK AUK-MEL Sky bus, train, drive home). After all, what keeps you awake and active like a bit of unpacking a bookshelf, sliding it to every available wall in the loungeroom on towels, finally agreeing on a place, and re-packing and arranging it? We visited kittens. We tried to sleep in, but woke up at 5.30am as our body-clocks figured it was 8.30am (very strange time difference). We tried to get used to being home, to walking Mallei, to shopping at the supermarket again... to not having somewhere to go and something to do and see every single day. To unpacking, sorting through photos and trying to select those which would best represent everything that we'd seen, and the more I uploaded and selected, the more I felt the trip condensing down into those little moments- the moments which probably meant least of all. They weren't the first glimpse of mountains as we drove up the Sea to Sky highway, or the moment Margo and I saw each other through the window of the Moroccan restaraunt, or the mad attempt to navigate Boston's freeways, or me layering up in literally 6 layers of the warmest stuff I could find just so we could go for a Post-Thanksgiving walk in -10C Madison... They were snippets of time, of scenery that I could fit in a frame... And it's not that I don't love the pictures I have, but I suppose I wish they were more. Maybe I'm just too used to them, having gone through, edited, gone through again and flagged, gone through to upload, to show Mum, to show Nic, until I forget about the rest of them...


And we've been trying to get used to being us again. To not relying on one another in the same way. To not looking forward to every single day the way that we were. To having no money, to paying off credit cards and bills, and going back to work and not being together all the time. We got a kitten last wednesday (08/12), so we're trying to fit this ball of fluff into our routine. It's proving more difficult than I thought because she's adorable... so we have to be careful not to ignore Mallei... which means we end up zoning out from each other. And that's been really hard. But we're ok- we admit these things to each other, and then we feel better. I feel in a way that we should have waited to get the kitten, Reya, but she's perfect- she's exactly what we wanted from a kitten, and hopefully she'll grow up to be what we wanted from a cat! It just means that our 'going back to routine' has been interupted and changed...


It's funny because I thought on the trip that being on the trip would be the hardest part for me and Nic. The stress, strain, and constantly being with one another would be bound to cause a fight. And it didn't. Not once. I got so tired once and was being picky about what to eat that we got annoyed at each other in the supermarket and that's when I cried... but it was ok. In the grand scheme of things it was absolutely nothing... It's been coming home, settling in, being 'normal', not adventuring that's been hard.


I've been reading APW a lot lately from work, and there's a lot of discussion about weddings and the marriages that follow... And I think it's probably similar, in a way. You have such a huge lead up to this amazing, fun, incredible event, then you probably have a Honeymoon, which is great, and fun, and amazing... and then you go back to 'the real world', and deal with work, and finances, and stress... and you have to get through that and make it work. That's what's happening now.


And I'm still in two minds about this wedding. I would love to have my idea of a wedding- the fun, relaxed, outdoor, breezy, tree-surrounded event with family and friends smiling and dancing and singing around a bonfire... but I don't feel that much love from my Mum's side of the family right now... and Dad's side are everywhere in Australia, and Nic's family are just -everywhere-, and my family won't meet Nic's family until wedding time, which isn't that big a deal I suppose... And then I don't feel like I have enough close friends. I have friends, sure. And I'm sure they'd be happy to come and have a good time... But I read so many posts on APW about this great community, about everyone so happy and so happy to experience our love, and it's like an overflow of love, love love love.... and I just worry I won't have that.
When I met my sister-in-law-in-law-to-be, I told her that she, and Nic's brother (her husband) are the only married people I know. I thought of one other couple. And that's it. They are literally the only married people I know. Is it that I haven't experienced enough weddings to know how this is meant to go? Do I just feel insecure in my friendship circle? It's a lot about that, I know it is, because I feel like I've fallen out of touch with a lot of people, and after a while they just become FB status updates. I feel like I want more friends before I have a wedding.
When I have more time, and I'm back at Uni, I'll work on making that happen, somehow.


Maybe I'll truck along to some of those APW book club meetings! (Much to Nic's dismay)

just let me have a moment to write...!

So much has happened since my last post.

I've finished Uni for the year, and whether I pass or not is yet to be seen. If I need to resubmit anything, I'll be overseas when I have to do it, which will be slightly problematic. I don't think they usually let you do that anyway, so here's hoping I pass.

Nic and I decided on Friday night last week (08/10) to go to the Grampians that weekend, totally smashing any of his plans for a trip to the Peninsula, and leaving us with very last-minute plans to leave Mallei with my ex (ironic, knowing we were going to the Grampians to get engaged) and head up there Saturday morning.

But head up we did, in high spirits. We went exploring in the Southern part of the Grampians, where we climbed the Picanniny, went to Dunkeld and checked out the Arboretum and the Royal Post hotel which holds wedding (too fancy and expensive for us, but still interesting). We were going to try and climb Mt. Thackary but the gate was seasonally closed so we couldn't get there. We had to cross two little streams in my car and it did so well. It's a great adventure city car. More on the car later.

 

On the 'Picanniny'

 

Dunkeld Arboretum

 

Emu's in a paddock driving between Victoria and Serra Ranges

 

Beautiful Australian scenery

 

The first stream crossing

As we headed back toward camp, I was reading the maps and saw that Mt. William was recommended as a place for great sunsets. It was about 6pm at the time, and we thought we could smash out getting to the top and maybe catch the sunset, if the patchy clouds hanging around didn't spoil it. Mt. William is also the tallest mountain on the Grampians, and we hadn't been there before. It promised great views.

As we arrived, a chill wind blew, but the sunset looked somewhat promising so we grabbed our jackets and tea gear, and started the walk. The path was steep but easy- it's a maintenance vehicle track that goes right to the top. Nic said later that even when we're old and unfit, we can still pull ourselves up the hill without too much difficulty. I'll get to that.

As we climb, the clouds start to roll in overhead more and more...

 

Views from the hike...

 

Clouds start to roll over... no sunset for us...

We climb higher, and meet an Indian couple who have given up on the view at the top. They say:

"Are you hoping to get to the top?"

I think: "Well, that was the aim of the expedition, yes..." They tell us it's cloudy up there, and there's no chance of a view. We push on, hoping we'll get above the cloud line, or they'll blow over.

 

Nic trucking on, all around us is blotted out by clouds. White white white.

We get to the top. There's a cold wind and clouds all around, making it feel like we're in Apline Victoria, particularly in the early morning. It's eerie and quiet, though there are a couple of birds singing. Nic starts to set up some tea, while I get photos of the nonexistant view. I suspect he's planning on 'popping the question' when I get back to him. He's been strangely quiet on the walk up, and I wonder how long he's been planning on surprising me by asking today, instead of tomorrow as we'd planned. I figure he's rehearsing his lines in his head. 

 Great views all round..

Nic getting the tea ready from a shaded alcove.

I head back and we have some tea. Nic is sitting thoughtfully. He says to me:

"You know how you like numbers?"

I should explain, when it comes to house numbers and dates, some are just cooler than others. 10/10/10 is cool... 08/09/10, also cool. To live at 123 Smith street, would be cool, as would 365. Nic explains to me that 364 is a pretty cool number (number of days since we met up in Paris).... and although it's foggy around, like the future, the path down is clear, like it is for us, and would I marry him? As he gets on one knee. So it wasn't exactly what I had envisaged, we were drinking condensed-milk tea, there was no view and fog, but often these sorts of comedy-of-errors are what define our relationship, which makes it somewhat fitting. As he said, this place where we were, was the highest in the Grampians, usually has an amazing view, and we can drag our asses back here when we're unfit and old. We took some happy snaps and made some movies (I haven't watched them yet) and stayed up there for a little while longer until I got cold, then we sauntered our way back down the mountain. 

 Happy girl with a ring on..

 Still cloudy... Nic made me laugh at something or other..

Our beautiful sunset...

We set up camp and made dinner, and had a camp fire. I gave Nic a book I'd written for him- it was our story until this point in 'Choose your own adventure style", something I'd started at about 1pm Thursday, and finished by 5pm friday, with work and class inbetween there. I'd probably worked on it for about 3 hours, and had written 47 pages, mixed them all up, and only managed to stuff up one link, go me. We read through that, then trundled off to bed. 

Next morning we decided to go on three short hikes to various places in the southern section of the gramps. It took a bit longer to get to than we expected so we decided to do two instead of 3. 

We went to these falls, I forget what they're called, and then to Paddy's Castle, both really nice places.

 

A wallaby friend at camp.

 

Little orange tent. You can't see too well, but there's a mountain in the background.

 

At the falls.

 

A stumpy-tailed lizard I swerved to avoid, then slammed on the breaks to go check out. He was in the middle of the road and I didn't want him to get squished, so Nic got a stick and pushed him to the side of the road. As you can see, he wasn't very happy about this treatment, but it was for the best.

 Up on Paddy's Castle.

Both of us at Paddy's castle. Some elderly people had clambered up, and took this photo for us.

We decided to head home, it was getting late and we couldn't be bothered going on the last walk- we were getting pretty tired anyway. As we drove off, we came around a corner and there was a roo by the road. We swerved to miss him, and as the road was very soft, loose gravel, we spun, over-corrected (I think), spun the other way, and careened off the road. We missed crashing in to a huge gumtree by not much, but crushed some saplings. The front of my bumper is looking quite sad and sorry for itself at the moment, as it had saplings jutting out from under the car and through the wheel arch. The sad thing is, even as we were crashing off the road, about to die or injure ourselves or whatever, all I could think about was how Mum was going to be so angry with me because I've smashed up the car.

Isn't that stupid? It's still in her name, as is the insurance, but it's my car. And I wasn't thinking; I hope we're ok. I'm thinking: I hope I haven't ruined this car too much because Mum will be angry with me if I have. 

But it was ok, I guess. It needs a new bumper, and new quarter-side panel, and a wheel alignment before I'll drive it again, but we got it back to Melbourne at least. It's in the driveway now and not moving.

Poor adventure car..

That being said, the car did really well to get us out of there alive, to not get smashed up too badly, and to still manage to drive us home on the freeways and not loose its bumper. I'll have to get it fixed when we get home from the trip, but I just can't do it right now. I wouldn't be able to book it in and get it back before we leave.

So that was my engagement weekend. And I've had thoughts and mixed feelings (not about being engaged to Nic, just about the whole institution) since we got back... I told my Mum (first about the car, then about the engagement), and she seemed surprised, but faked happiness (I didn't feel it was genuine but there you go)... and then I told my Dad, and he was great. He was actually genuinely happy for us. At the end of the call he said: "I love you", which he never does. Sally was also really happy, and called me back to say congrats. Nic's family was also really happy, and we just put it on facebook where a bunch of people have commented. One notable absence is my old 'best friend', who may not have checked/seen it (doubtful), or who just doesn't give a shit anymore. If he doesn't, good on him. In fact, good on him and Alex, and good luck to both of them. 

More about my thoughts next time I have time. Lunch now.

family & friends...

One of the things most concerning me about this wedding rests at the back of my mind... and it stems from seeing so many wedding blog posts where people say: We just wanted to have all of our family and friends have a great time, or our family came together to help with everything, or it was great to have our family all there celebrating our love.

And the concern I have is this: Nic and I both come from divorced parents. My Dad said he never wanted to see my Mum again, and he hasn't. He also said, he never wants to go to another wedding. Ever. Now, his partner Sally is lovely, and will get him to go, but geez. Then, Mum's also a bit weird about him, and she doesn't like Nic. Nic once made the mistake of innocently suggesting my very sick Grandpa may be better off in some sort of expensive home, so Grandma could stop being so stressed, and Grandpa could get the care he needs. I had forgotten to mention to Nic at this point that my family is very anti-retirement home (despite being about to invest in, and develop, retirement homes. ironic!) , and as such, the news was reported back to Grandma that he's obviously a horrible person, so now she doesn't like him either. Joy. Then there's Dad's side of the family, most of whom don't speak to one another for various reasons. And I don't feel particularly close to my brother. Hurrah. Then on Nic's side of the family, because he grew up in Canada with his Mum & Dad, he's only met his Granparents, Aunts, and Uncles a few times. His cousins he's probably only met literally 4 times. And I know, you don't have to invite these people, but some cousins have invited us to their wedding, so that could turn out a little messy unless you have something REALLY small, which I don't want to do... 

Then I feel like I don't have enough friends. Not friends who I'd care about enough to invite. Maybe like.. 7. How do people manage to get 100 people at a wedding?? So I'd be happy with like, 70... and I suppose with family it adds up... But even so. 

And while the idea of eloping at this point in time sounds really attractive, I also want to have a day where I get to be pretty, and dress up, and throw an awesome party, and get pictures taken, and tell everybody how much I love Nic and maybe for my Mum to actually see it. 

I think her problem at the moment is that she tends to suck the life out of me. No kidding. She mumbles on an on about her parents, and her life... the other day she asks me: "So what's new in your life?" And I told her, "Nothing too much, work, uni, just finished rounds at school..." and she doesn't even acknowledge the fact I'd said anything, just goes on about her dog... So I get a bit blah when we're together, and I have a feeling maybe she thinks I'm miserable. Maybe Nic's this domineering personality who is squashing my  fragile spirit and overpowering me. You know, exactly like her and Dad. She constantly asks me if I'm happy, and I tell her I am, but I can't make it convincing because I'm too busy being depressed by her. So maybe she just wants me to be happy, but can't pay enough attention to me to actually hear about the cool stuff Nic & I do. She always asks about his job (which is a shit, fill-in job till he joins the police or something), and then nothing else. 

Sorry, this has become a bit of a bitch-fest. It's just... I never thought I'd give my future husband one of those mother in laws... and I never thought I'd be a) worried about telling Mum I'm engaged, or b) want to tell Dad before Mum.