But my conversation with him ended (with him saying "love you!" - which just throws me because it's so rare, and not necessarily in a bad way, because it makes me appreciate it more, I think) and I found myself on my knees in the living room floor forgetting to breathe. This happens when I'm crying, but not crying. Ie: I'm trying to not become a big blubbery mess. Nic was holding me. I kind of wanted to sob that "I miss my Daddy" but I was a bit more composed than that.
Me and Dad laughing, on my visit to Townsville last year.
Maybe I should do a comparison table of Dad's Awesome vs. Mum's Suck. Suckiness? Sucktastic. Anyway.
Upon hearing I'd quit my job because I'd be working for less than $10 an hour:
"Oh! Well there's plenty of cash in hand jobs, if you know where to look! And tutoring is a great idea because you'll get plenty of good experience!"
"Oh... well, sorry, I only "earn"* 20k a year and won't be able to help you out."
Upon hearing we want to (hypothetically) go overseas:
"Cool! I'll put some travel money in your bank account!"
"Oh. Well, Grandma wants to go overseas. But she can't. Because she's old. Life sucks. Woe is me."
Upon hearing we're engaged:
"Awesome!! That's great news! Congratulations! Do you know when you'll get married!?"
"Oh. Well... that's good. Anyway... Life sucks around here. I'm bored. Woe is me."
Just general conversation:
"So S and I were talking about your wedding the other day and we thought about x-y-z venue, have you thought about that!?"
"Woe is me. Woe and misery and despair."
More general conversation:
"So! What's news with Nic!?"
"So my dog barfed the other day. I had to clean it up. Well, better get back to being miserable. Talk to you later."
I may have altered some of what Mum said, but it's close enough to the truth that I don't care.
And something occured to me while I was sitting on the floor missing Dad tonight. Some idea that had begun brewing recently upon reading about a bride who had never considered being walked down the aisle, and then figured; hey, I love my Dad! And he was so thrilled and proud to be able to do it...
And I never wanted to be 'given away' or walked down the aisle... but... I'm thinking, maybe I will. I love my Dad. He's awesome. He makes me laugh. His phone conversations are always the right length- he knows when to say goodbye. He flies me up to see him. He asks about Nic. He is interested in my life and loves to hear from me. He's great. I want him to share with me, in a very special father-daughter way, this transition in my life. I won't be 'given away'... I want him to walk with me.
I think Dad might be walking me down the aisle after all.
Now I'm all teary again. I think I'm going to have to make a 'crying' tag.
Dad, after he decided to try and pull apart some leaf ant nests and got them all over himself. Please note fashionable hat, and long socks with runners. He's the coolest guy I know.
Us on Dad's Triumph motorbike before we went for a spin. Very happy to be on a bike again!
*My quotation marks, because she doesn't work, therefore I don't consider her to 'earn' anything.