surprise! let's make a life-changing decision on the spur of the moment!

A girl at work got engaged last night. She is sporting some seriously massive bling today - I wonder where she'll put the wedding ring, but anyway.

It made me think about a post I'd read elsewhere by a groom about how much surrounding weddings is about surprise. Think about it:
The groom is meant to pick the ring.
Ask the father (behind the daughter's back)
Surprise her with a proposal.
The girl then picks a dress but doesn't show the groom until she's coming down the aisle.

Happy husband rushing to work to pay for his $10,000 engagement ring. Or something. Ok, I just like the photo and wanted to include it here. {via}

I'm sure there were more that he thought of, but they're the only ones I've got.

And I think it's really... odd... that the engagement/proposal thing happens like this. Because, for one, it's the guy making the decision, right? And the girl agreeing to it. I don't know if this girl at work had discussed, seriously, with her boyfriend (now fiance) about getting married before he proposed. Maybe she had mentioned it, fleetingly. They don't currently live together- she's never lived out of home. Which is fine, for some, but I wonder how you can commit to spending the rest of your life with someone if you've never, I dunno, picked up their clothes off the floor, or cleared their dishes off the table, or put up with their morning farts, or worked out your finances together. And these are just life things. Things you learn for yourself when you move out of home, and things you adapt when you move in with a partner.
So, this idea of getting engaged being a surprise is perplexing to me. I like the idea of the proposal itself being a surprise- we tried for that - but the actual decision to commit to one another and get married coming as a surprise and having a moment to decide yes or no... I don't think that sort of decision should be spur of the moment!

omg he's wearing sneakers to a wedding....!

I snapped at a girl at work today.
A girl who is completely infatuated with a man she's known for 6 months, where she's decided the date they'll be getting engaged, that they'll be having a 100k wedding (yes, $100,000), she's picked out the ring she wants, etc... It's all very fast, and she's not yet 21. Eek. Anyway, this isn't the point, because that's fine- you have the right to do what you want, and what makes you happy, and good on you... which is the point.

She was looking at, I assume, wedding blogs today. Or pictures of weddings. Or something. And I hear from across the room:
"Oh, they're a really gorgeous couple. Don't you think? Look, he's so handsome... and she's pretty too. Don't they make a really pretty couple...?" Silence for a minute then a shrill shriek; "Oh, she's SO ugly!!! And she's not wearing makeup!! Why wouldn't you wear makeup to your wedding!? Don't you think she's ugly?!!?" (this to another coworker, who responds: "Um... I think she looks fine...") "Well, I don't understand why you wouldn't wear makeup to your wedding. Yuck." And I'm thinking: I don't see the problem with it...
Then there's silence for a while longer.... and I hear another shriek.
"OH MY GOD.... he's wearing SNEAKERS to his WEDDING. What an IDIOT!!! Why would you do that?? You can't do that!! You can't wear SNEAKERS.... to a WEDDING!!! That's just so stupid!!"
At which point, I had to chime in.
I said: "He can wear whatever he wants to his wedding. It's his wedding. That's the point. If he wants to wear sneakers he can wear sneakers if it makes him happy. You don't HAVE to do anything at a wedding. There's no rules, you have to do what YOU want or it's not your wedding. Nic wants to wear converse to our wedding, and that's awesome."
Dead.
Silence.
I laugh.
"I take it from the silence that you're unimpressed."
She says; "... SERIOUSLY... You're going to let him wear converse?!?!?!"
"Sure. If he wants to, why the hell not?"

And it just made me cringe. The blatant judgements, the shunning of these women on their beautiful wedding day for something she doesn't deem appropriate. No wonder the Wedding Industrial Complex is what it is, and there's such criticism of women by women. We're always judging. It's impossible to turn off, I think, but jeez it peeved me off. Just because your wedding will cost $100k doesn't mean ours has to. Just because you want heels doesn't mean I do. And you know what? My wedding, my MARRIAGE isn't going to be any less kick-assingly-awesome because of it!! In fact, I'll probably have a more awesome time because of it. Feet not killing me from wearing heels? Check. Budgets in-tack after wedding? Check. Happy FH who got to wear wicked shoes? Check. I think I'll take that, and you can keep your criticisms to yourself, if that's quite alright.

(And by the way, I have nothing against people wearing heels, or not wearing chucks, or whatever... but I hate the idea that things are going to be worse because of, or despite those things..It's so insignificant, surely.)
(Also whenever I write WIC I think "Walk in closet")

Putting some awesome pictures below the cut just to prove my point.