Lookit me go! I'm on a blogging roll. Thank God someone at work showed me how to get internet access beyond theage.com.au
So, I don't want children. Not real ones- I have my furkids, they're pretty awesome. It's like a bit of a joke, people say: "So, when's the wedding? And when's the baby?" And I don't think they're trying to insult me, post-America-stomach and all, but I think it's that natural progression- Boyfriend->Fiance->Wedding->Baby.
Which is fine.
For people wanting that.
And then I say I don't want kids. And people look shocked. How dare I?! I haven't finished Uni yet... if I were to follow the timeline here, I would have spent 5 years studying, 1 year teaching, then be into babymaking. Then, say goodbye to adventures for at least the first however many years... goodbye to get-up-and-go travel, to long travel, to financial freedom, to time to ourselves... And I don't want that. It's enough having Mallei and Reya- if we go away, somebody has to look after them, or we board them... we can't just go for the night anymore since Mallei needs to be fed and to go outside... I've had the "we'll see..." lecture a bunch of times. The other day I explained my thoughts to somebody, and ended with this:
"Maybe that's selfish, I don't know."
And I regretted saying that the minute it had come out.
Because who's it selfish to? It's selfish to something that doesn't exist. To an idea. To my ovaries? To my Mum, for not supplying her with grandchildren? (I'm sure my brother will)... It's not selfish. It's what I want. You can't be selfish to something that isn't.
If I had kids, I think my great delights would be in naming them stupid names. Like... Zebra. Or Aaron Abr--(my surname) so they're ALWAYS called first in roll-call. I don't think that's a good, reasonable, or responsible reason to have children.
And I'm happy with my pets. I'm happy cuddling them, and smelling their fur, and crying on them and having them lick my tears. Except Reya. She thinks the salt is tasty and my eyebrows are catterpillars and she just wants to claw out my eyeballs and eat my face.... She's a lovely kitten. But, you know... we take Mallei with us when we go hiking, if we can.We run, walk, explore, climb, boulder.. and he comes. Reya cuddles up and sleeps on my chest while we watch tv. We feed them, wash them, love them. We take them to the emergency vet because they've done something stupid and cry with worry.
It's funny, I bet nobody asks Nic when we're having kids... I was about to write that I don't know why I'm the one being held responsible... then I thought that was stupid, and then realised that no, it isn't stupid. Just because I can BEAR children doesn't mean that I'm the only one in charge of having them! (It's a team effort, after all) If we were to have kids it would be as much his decision as it is mine... yet everybody asks me and (I could be wrong), I don't imagine anyone would ask him. Stupid gender roles.