I was running late on the way to work today, and since I didn't have my boss' phone number, I emailed her, with my iphone, to say I would be late, then left the phone on my lap.
I pulled up in the parking lot - I bet you can all see where this is going - and got out of the car. Something fell on the floor.
No big deal, I've dropped it a dozen times. The sides are all dinged up but it's never caused any real damage. I'd been carrying around an invinciphone. I'd heard stories of people's iphones with screens that shattered after the first fall.
But not mine!
Mine had been dropped from high and low, onto soft and hard and gravelly. It had water splashed on it, food, coffee...
And yet, it was still going strong.
Sure, the back was scratched up, the corners were a bit dented, but I showed all those people and their wimpy phones that broke at the first opportunity.
I squinted a little at my phone on the ground. My eyesight's not so good from close up, or far away, and it's sort of dark in that carpark.
Looked like it had spiderwebs across the screen.
Then it dawned on me.
And I burst into tears.
Ok, so I'm feeling a little more emotional than usual (see previous posts), although crying over something like this is totally in line with my character. I braved glass spinters and SMSed Nic to tell him the news. I waited for the lift in the parking lot still snuffling and crying. I attempted to stop once I realized there was a man in the lift. And really, it's more than just the phone.
It's about the fact that I don't have any goddamn money to just throw around on shit like this.
Honestly, I get my fricken tax return, my $600 tax return that I was going to be responsible with and put it straight on the next 6 months of rent (which pays for like, less than a month, by the way), and that would be great. And then I get my car rego, which is $600 too. Great! And I'm about to have to take a week and a half off work so I can continue to get my measly being-a-student payments, because rather than work all summer and SAVE UP MONEY so you don't go poor and hungry, they'd rather you don't work for 4 months in a row, but instead take time off (wtf).
(Edited to add photos of my phone)
This might be a long one.
And then of course there is the rent, which is about another $9k to come from my savings, and the kitten is going back to the vet for another vaccination in a week, oh! And then I have to get new notebooks for Uni, and all the actual text-books for Uni which tend to run at about the $100 mark, so I subsequently don't get them, which is stupid but what can you do?
And excuse the bitching but I just feel like shit.
(Edit: I forgot to mention one of the important parts of this whole thing. As I walked to work, cradling my poor broken phone, I thought about how battered it already was, and figured; well, it's had a good life. At least I've had it a while, and it's done a good job. Then I realised I've probably had it a year, exactly. I got it in summer last year. Maybe December. Which is pathetic, Em. Really? You can't look after something for a measly year? I'm astounded that I've managed to keep Mallei alive this long, really. Poor dude must be a fighter, because I am rough on my things.)
And meanwhile I'm looking at a wedding dress that costs about $1,000 and why do I want to spend this much money on a dress? I mean, I don't. I don't want to. But I love it. I hate normal dresses, and I hate all the dresses on the Chinese wholesaler sites that cost $200 and I'm sure they're fine and they'd look lovely and they'd do the job, right, they'd be white and I could walk in them (sort of, not very well) and they'd cost me as much as a new iphone screen probably will... but I hate them. I can justify that the dress I'm looking at I could maybe wear again, sometime. I'd be a lovely dress to wear to the beach, or on holiday, or something... but then I'll get sand on it.
And speaking of the fact that I can't have nice things, I can't have a $1,000 WHITE DRESS. When I'm going to be eating FOOD. That I will inevitably spill on myself. Is this why brides don't eat on their wedding night? Because, seriously, this is a great reason to not eat at my wedding. or I will ruin my $1,000 dress. That dress costs nearly as much as a new iphone4, and I only get to wear it once (and maybe again, if I can convince myself, or I could sell it I guess).
A collegue just came past my desk and saw my spider-webbed phone.
"Oh, what happened to your phone!?" He asks.
I die a little inside.