Wednesday, October 19, 2011

weight off my shoulders...

Funny story, actually. I was in the grade 4/5/6 classroom this afternoon and they were doing maths. I kind of felt like every answer I gave was like this one. I am so no good at maths. I did however manage to work out that 3km=300,000cm. But damn that took a lot of brain power. I kind of wanted to ask the rain-man autistic kid for help, but I think that would have been inappropriate and maybe not sent the right message about my competency to become a teacher....

I went back to school today, where I did my 5 weeks of rounds during term 3.

I had decided that in order to get more experience teaching, while I wait to be a registered, qualified teacher, I might as well head back and volunteer. Since they know me there, and I know the kids, I figured I'd be able to pretty much jump back in.

And I'll tell you what, it was fantastic to be able to just hang out, help out, check work, give help... without stressing about assignments in the back of my mind. Without worrying if I needed to collect work samples, or if I was doing enough, or the right thing, or what I needed to put in my reflective journal when I got home.
I just did what I wanted. Then, when the teachers ran out of stuff to do and the classroom was too hot and they were just going to go read in the shade.... I went home. Because there were no rules to say I couldn't. My mentor teacher was super grateful for all my help, and said I was welcome to drop in whenever I want. So, the more I go, the better it looks on my resume, and the more exposure to different things I get. I suppose, as a teacher, it would be SO good to have helpers- particularly people who know what they're doing. The kids who really needed help and one on one attention got it, my mentor didn't have to worry about checking to make sure kids were working cos I could do that... I figure when I get my own class, I might go back to my University and raid a class of 4th year Bachelor of ed students, see if they want to volunteer to help me (looks good on their resume and they learn a lot, too), and then I can have helpers while I learn how to teach properly.

I think with all the finishing assignments, stressing about jobs and money, applying for job after job after job, seeing the same BS written on almost every school website... I was starting to feel a bit disillusioned. Like: is this what I want to do? And maybe it's not what I want to do forever... I don't think it will be enough for me to do forever... but for now...
And going in today, I feel better. I hadn't wanted to ask anybody from my cohort if they ever question whether this is what they want. I'm not sure why. Maybe I don't want the: "Why not!? You'll be a great teacher!" talk... or maybe I don't want them to think I wasted the last 2 years... Or maybe because asking was like admitting something that was too scary to admit.
But I think it will be ok. I hope I get a good school where they look after me, where I can do interesting things and have fun with my kids. Well, maybe I shouldn't worry about that so much just yet, and focus on actually getting a job in the first place.

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