health & fitness.... & badges.

I've gone a bit exercise mad lately...
I'm still on holidays until mid next week, so that's part of it, trying to get as much in as I can before school starts, riding 'the high' of exercise endorphins, and hoping they'll motivate me to keep going once I'm exhausted from teaching...
And I'm sore- I'm sore and I know my body is asking for a break, but I'm kind of hooked. For once, I'm feeling leaner, looking like I can see muscles in my arms start to appear, doing complicated side-planks with relatively little difficulty, upping my weights in pump classes, doing two classes in a row and walking away fatigued but 'lean'.... Previously, going to the gym every day or other day wouldn't really yield results, so it'd be hard to keep going, so it's really nice to be seeing changes. I've lost a couple of kilos, too, in the last couple of months (I'm not in any rush, and I'm not adhering to any 'wedding weight', and realistically, if I loose another 2-3kg I'll be pretty happy in any case, so it's not like I'm racing to loose 10kg and am going to be bitterly disappointed and eat away my disappointment), and clothes that hadn't been fitting are fitting again - that's super exciting.
But this is where I need to be careful. Because I push myself, I like to be on-top, to get everything right, to be the best, and then I break, and have to stop for a week instead of a day. I just know that even with one day's rest, I find getting out to exercise again the next day is hard for me- I need to ride the wave while I'm on it.

In other news- I've picked my wedding dress!!! It's this one.  Nic knows he's not allowed to click there. For some reason they picked a photo of the model with her leg in a weird position and it makes her look chunky.. or the dress looks chunky or SOMETHING. But it's gorgeous, and simple, and me, and perfect for a garden ceremony, then running around the zoo taking photos. And it's not -too- expensive, comparatively to the cost of gowns in this country.

I also... may have ordered badges.
Yes, ok, this is frivolous (and I basically yelled at my Mum about how hiring a limo was stupid and a waste of money and I'd rather go in my Man of Awesome's Skoda for all I care, a car is just a car), but it's also cool. I figure, people who help out with wedding things/shop for shoes with me/help assemble flowers/just generally look after us, get a badge. eg. Jenny will be shopping for shoes with me. She's not a bridesmaid, and I'm sure she'd like to be, so she can have a badge. Yay! Also my Dad & his partner? Team bride badge. Nic's Dad? Team groom. Right? I think it's fun.
Look, here they are! Sadly enough, the dog on the team bride one is an ACTUAL SILHOUETTE of our dog.
Yes.
I'm not entirely sure is this is lame, or cool.
Possibly lame.
But you can't really get much more 'custom made' than that, can you!?

how to kill motivation in 4 easy steps....

1. Join gym. Work out there 4 nights a week, cycle 17km to work & home, run 3 days a week, and rest on weekends. Watch what you eat, don't snack unnecessarily, and eat lots of vegetables and whole grains. Limit meat. Repeat for 3-4 months.
2. Watch weight drop by only 1kg, with no huge differences in body size/clothes fit.
3. Slack off for a week. Eat chocolate over easter (small amounts). Go camping. Drink wine. Eat macaroni for dinner. Run twice. Don't cycle. Don't go to the gym. Do this for a week only.
4. Lose a kilo in that week.


So, Nic and I have been trying to lose weight since we got back from North Am. in December. We joined a gym, continued to eat right & healthy, ran, cycled, walked, pumped weight...
We did this for nearly 4 months. We weighed ourselves, and week after week after week were disappointed in the nonexistent weight-loss. It took a month to lose 500g, 2 months to lose a kilo. As we thrashed ourselves and got hooked on the exercise, we didn't see the results we wanted, or felt we deserved.
Then we went to Bright for Easter. Sure, we did 2 x 3 hour hikes in the last couple of days, but we also did a lot of driving and ate a lot of bad food, or food that we didn't cook- so, oily, salty, fatty. The rest of that week we ran once or twice, and otherwise lazed around on the couch.
In that week, we lost a kilo.

Now, can you imagine, at this point in time, my motivation to exercise? Or Nic's? Yeah... it's not happening. Because it feels like; Why bother? We try really hard and get nowhere. We stop trying so hard, and both of us lose weight.
So I'm trying to work myself up into taking Mallei for a run before class today- probably an intervals-type run (half as much time spent exercising for apparently twice as much goodness)(so they say), but it's really, really hard. The weather is gloomy, the house is warm, the couch is comfortable, and I'm already dressed (ie: not in PJs), and assignments need to be done.
Ugh.

I do need to get back to the gym though- both of us do. We're paying for a membership we're not using, and maybe we lost a kg in muscle (hahaha. Yeah, right.)... I don't know, people. I've been doing most of my 'workouts' at home using dumbells, or pilates videos... Or running. The gym lets you pause the membership for 3 months or so. Maybe we should do that.

the shape of life, in general.

So, in short, this is how things are:

• Yesterday I ran 5km for the first time in a month. I'd changed my running gate from heel-strike to forefoot strike after doing a bit of reading and deciding that going that route would be better. It has been better because somehow it's made running less effort and chore- less difficult. That being said, I've had to build up slowly - starting by doing 1.5km, then 2km, then 3, then 3.7, then 4, 4.3, and yesterday 5km. Because forefoot strike actually requires you to move using your calf muscles, achillies, etc, rather than relying on your skeleton to absorb the shock, I've had to build up strength in muscles I (didn't realise that I) never used much before.
• As a byproduct of this, and everything else, I more or less constantly have sore muscles somewhere. I think in the last month I've had one 'rest-day', where I probably still took Mal for a walk. It's good on one hand cos I feel super buff, but on the other- I'm sore, somewhere, all the time. 
• That being said, I've managed to lose 1kg (2.2 pounds) in maybe... 2 months? Which is pitiful. I haven't written much about the weight-loss thing here. There's been a few people whose blogs I read frequently who put the weight-loss thing more eloquently than I thought I could. Let's just say that in November 2009 I was at 56kg - a weight I'd been dieting and exercising to get to. My 'ideal' weight.... November 2010, Nic and I ate our weight in bagels and donuts in the US, and I came home at 65kg, having left at about 60kg. I'd really like to get there again, and ideally back to 56. But, my god, if it's taking me a kg every 2 months, it's going to take a year and a half. Ouch. I feel like I look better than I did, but then I wonder if I'm making things up just to boost my self-esteem.
• I also want to keep running. Like, every day. But my Achilles/ankle/calf is saying: NOOOO. And I must obey. I've been forgetting lately that I'm not indestructible, like, if I injure myself, I could actually injure myself, in a big way. I just have to keep that in mind.
• Next week, I have 2 assignments due. I'm fairly confident that one is mostly finished, and the other shouldn't require me to do too much more. 
• I think it's time to pull out my tomato plants. -sadface-
• Mallei came on the run yesterday with me, and today he's laying down like an old man with sore bones. Maybe he's suffering as much as me?
• The kitten refuses to believe in letting anyone sleep in. Not only did she "MEE" outside the door and throw herself at it this morning, when Nic let her in, she decided it was time to play, and pounce the door-hinges (way up high) on the inside. 
• I've been feeling a bit distant/disconnected lately. It's a growing feeling. I don't know whether I can put it down to hormones (uh, yeah, actually, I probably can), or being at home all day, and/or feeling guilty when I don't do a thousand chores at home, and then feeling obliged to make dinner because Nic's been at work all day and it's not fair if I don't cook. And it's stupid to feel like this because I know he doesn't expect it, and that he'd be happy to cook, but I feel like... if I've been home all day, working on assignments, reading Uni crap, going for runs, reading blogs, only getting out of my PJs to go for said run... then who am I to ask Nic, when he gets home from work, having put up with annoying colleagues, answered a hundred emails (this is his job at the moment, btw), having battled traffic to get home, having probably gone to the gym on the way home... who am I then to ask him if he could please cook because I'm too tired? I think part of the disconnectedness as well is coming from this routine we've fallen into lately, more than normal. The come home-dinner-tv-shows-bed, rinse and repeat routine. Like we need to... have a nice dinner, without the tv, or go out and get Asian food, or cook some popcorn and watch a movie inside if we're feeling too poor to actually pay $17 each for a movie ticket (or maybe $14, if we go on a Tuesday).
• That being said, had it not been for a bit of a shop I did the other night (new PJs since my old ones were literally falling to tatters, a couple of shirts for this weird autumn weather that isn't really hot, or cold), I'd be rocking the budget this fortnight. Alas, shopping gets the better of me.
• Nic's Dad has flown in from Hong Kong. A few months ago he was asking when would be the best time for him to come, and we said: "Not this week (now), and not the Easter week. Any other time is fine". So.... he landed today. Subsequently he isn't staying on my futon on account of those two assignments I mentioned earlier, and the spare/futon room doubling as my study office/assignment writing lair. So I suppose we'll see him at some point for dinner. 
• The other day I started kind of planning our honeymoon. Is it a little sad that I think I'm more excited about the honeymoon (Europe, baby!) than I am about the wedding itself? Is this bad? "Planning" insofar as I plotted a potential route through some places we were interested in, then guestimated how many nights we might like to spend in each of those places, then tallied the total to see what we were looking at. Might have to read my Europe book again... which I think a friend still has! Must get that back.
• I've been looking (sort of) at dresses for the wedding again. I'm not going to say 'wedding dresses' because I'm strongly getting the sense that I won't be in a 'wedding dress', but maybe a bridesmaids dress, or one of these convertible ones (maybe even in the ocean colour.) or something from a designer that isn't touted as a 'wedding dress'. I kind of really like the convertible one... I could wear it again! Like, really. In a different style. Buahaha. 

And that is all. Also, it's friday! Happy friday.

we're becoming one of those couples...

This morning, Sunday morning, Nic and I woke up at 6am.
Crazy, right?
It's Sunday! Day of weekly-weigh-in, berry pancakes (previously enjoyed with real maple syrup from Vermont (not the suburb south of here), but now since we're too poor to afford such luxury, with Supermarket Brand Maple Flavored Syrup), double episodes of Grey's back-to-back, vacuuming, and occasionally going for a walk.
But not this week, no.
I had been saying for over a year that we should go in a fun run! as a way to increase motivation to train and go jogging and try and get to 5km (or whatever). Since Nic had arrived in Australia, and had actually not run off on me (like an ex of mine), I had been saying this. But it hadn't happened.
Then we joined the gym,
And here I was, running 5km on a treadmill in 35 minutes (with occasional breathing-and-hacking-up-a-lung breaks), or doing intervals and running between 8.5km/h and 11km/h (I think I mentioned this, I remember putting something into miles a little while ago. Yup, here it is), and, a month before said gym membership or newly-found-running-ability, Nic found a fun run that completed the morning with pancakes, and entered us in it.
Lordy.
So we wake up this morning to a perfect Melbourne autumn day (a couple days early), which is to say that it was bleak, drizzly and depressing.
Awesome.

things to do before i die...

Every so often, I get the urge to make another list of 100 (or other arbitrary number) things I'd like to do before I die. I always get stuck at about 70.

Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, because a lot of the things I'd like to do, I've done. Most of them recently.
I was just skimming through the Mighty Life List, and yes, we are different people with different goals, and different situations, but I thought; ha, I've done a lot of these. Roll a kayak (albeit badly), check. Grow vegetables? Check.
Whenever I do my own list though, about 50% of it ends up looking like:
Go to India.
Go to Nepal.
Go to Japan.
Go to Peru.
Go to Machu Picchu.
And so on.

Although I think it's very nice to have a list of things, I think it can be somewhat deflating, or demotivating to have if it doesn't 'fit', or seems like an impossible dream. I know, it's good to aim high and go for your dreams, blah blah... but if I want to get to these places, which I do, having a list, or not, isn't going to change anything. If an opportunity and a time comes up when Nic and I can get to Machu Picchu, we'll get to Machu Picchu.

Really, I was just having a nice feeling of accomplishment about things I've done, in a fairly short amount of time. Things I can do, things I've yet to do and know will happen.
Beside that I'm feeling like a freakin' fitness junkie, as I'm about to go to a pump class, and when Nic finishes work this evening I'll go back to the gym to do my program that, by all appearances, is trying to give me muscly, manly shoulders. I figure that either has something to do with a) making my waist look slimmer (I think I read that somewhere? Beef up your shoulders for an illusion of a smaller waist?), or b) having strong back & shoulders then means I'm awesome at arm exercises. I may have made that last one up. But who knows! Maybe it's true?

Maybe in a few months I'll be a beefcake, able to pin Nic with a single arm. (And if that isn't motivation enough for him to out-do me, I don't know what is.)

 Life goal #32; wrestle bull while in loin-cloth.

hit the pause button.

In a lot of ways I feel as though my life is on hold at the moment.

Plenty of discussions with Nic begin with me saying:
"Next year, when I have a teaching job..."
And up until that point it's like I'm in limbo.

This photo has nothing to do with anything, I just like to see my kids loving on one another.

A lot of that has to do with the fact that I have no money. So it's like:
"Em, do you think we should replace my old car with a different one that'll cost $8k? Or should we wait until we run this one into the ground?"
And I think about it, and I know my ex had an old car which he planned to run into the ground, and it ended up costing a ridiculous amount to fix the car because problems would just keep popping up, again and again. In the end he spent a couple of grand to fix the problems, then sold the car to the scrap heap for about $250. So not worth it. But at the same time, I'm not going to be working, so Nic unnecessarily taking out a car lone while trying to support both of us on $20 an hour isn't so hot. So I say:
"Well, next year, when I have a teaching job, you won't have to pay for so much. So we can save up, and we can get another car. And if problems come up with your car in the meantime, we'll deal with them now."

chaps 'n hats...

This is a trilby hat (apparently.).



And I must say, Nic looks unbearably adorable (and sexy) in one of these hats.
Though, thinking about it, I'd almost need some sort of 20's Glamour dress for the 'theme' to work, but whatever, I don't care. Oh. I was meant to preface this with:
Nic may will be wearing one of these hats to our wedding.

The kitten woke me up at 5.30am this morning. And my elbow joints ache from the pump class I did friday night (wtf?). Most of the rest of me is feeling better, although I got on the scales this morning and that particularly depressing. That being said, the kitten (who weighed 1.3kg a week ago) also got on the scales, and it said she weighed 3.5kg, so I can probably subtract 2kg from her weight, and therefore, from my weight. Our scales lie. Which is somewhat inconvenient. Regardless, I'd quite like to loose about 9kg at some point. Or not even. Because weight is a tricky thing, what with muscles being heavy and so on. So, I shall revise that to: "I'd quite like to fit into the jeans I bought in Paris", as that was the lightest I've ever been. And I love those jeans.
So elbow pain or no, I'm going for a run this afternoon.
Wait, that doesn't make any sense.
The kitten's constant disruption of my sleep is really messing with me (and Nic).
The problem is that she's so fricken adorable. I mean, who wouldn't want to be woken up by a purring, soft, head-bumping love machine of joy and adorability?
Which is fine, until she settles in on my chest, across my face. Causing me to twist my head to an awkward angle so I can breathe without sucking in mouthfuls of fur and getting it up my nose. Since I'm especially comfortable, she shows her gratitude by kneading my windpipe.
With claws.
Which, at first, is ok. Her claws are trimmed. But after a while, the pad-pad-pad-pad of soft and clawy, turns into rasp-rasp-grate-grate-bleeding.
It feels like that anyway.
BUT SHE'S NOT COMFORTABLE! So she tries a different tactic, and goes under the covers.
Where her tail tickles my stomach. And that's not comfortable either so she comes back up. I'm doing my best not to move, because that will start the whole process again. My arms are usually in some ridiculous pretzel up near my head, and she decides that this=kitten basket, and curls her way into the pretzel, cutting off the circulation to my hands. The purring, louder than any cat I've ever known, continues on. And I've been on one side for long enough now that I'm uncomfortable.
She begins to drift off, eyes closing lazily, purr fading a little.
I try not to think of how uncomfortable I am. How much I hate my bodyparts being numb. How my legs feel crooked, and my back is twisted, which probably isn't good for my spine, and oh my god what if I'm giving myself body issues and a bad back because of this damn kitten.
And she's asleep now, a warming ball of downy fluff, little kitten smile on her kitteny face. Which is adorable, but my hands are in agony, my arms are pretzels, my feet feel weird, and my back is twisted dangerously, I'm sure of it.
So, I try and roll over, to the other side.
The purr starts up again!!!
And so the cycle begins anew.

The point of all that, which I seemed to have missed, is that I'm feeling particularly fuzzy in the head, dead tired, and not able to concentrate too well. Plus my elbows are sore. Which is just me complaining. But really, who gets sore elbows? You go to the gym to work out your shoulders, but they're really the only 'joints' you try and beef up. Nobody says:
"Hey Joe, check out my beefing elbows! They're totally ripped."
"They've got nothing on my ankles. Look at these bad boys..."

It's time for a nap. Will they give me sick pay because I had to go home tired??

i should watch what I say...

Re: My last post? When I said we should enter a race or something...

I meant some time in the future.

Apparently Nic is right now in the process of entering the both of us in a 5km fun run.
Should I restrict his access to the blog?
Maybe...

BUT

They do have a free pancake breakfast at the end.

My ex's Dad used to do this race. Hopefully we won't run into him there. Awkward!!!

Edit: Apparently Nic should continue to read my blog, but stop reading my mind. He insists that he hadn't read the last post, but just got it in his head to enter a race. I like him.

Edit 2: Here is a picture  of our kitten, because she's on my lap right now pressing the trackpad mouse with her paws every now and then and being quite upfront about her presence. So here she is, as of last week, sleeping on my chest. Reyasun: